NBC Follows Obama, Fires Imus, But "The Decider" Still Silent

Funny story written by KEN RYNNE

Thursday, 12 April 2007


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(30 ROCK) -- A week after Shock Jock and Rapper Wannabe Don Imus first used a slur referring to student athletes that has plunged the US into a 24/7 discussion of race, sex, respect, and tolerance during a week holy to Christians, Muslims, & Jews, NBC News announced tonight that it will terminate the simultaneous broadcasting of the Don Imus Olde Time 70s Shock Show. NBC President Blah Blah said the decision came in response to many emails from NBC employees insulted by the shock jock over his 30 year career. Not on the air, but in the hall, in the elevators, at lunch, on the FDR, in church, etc.

Blah also cited Tuesday's Rutgers women's basketball press conference for putting a human face on Imus's victims. Presidential candidate Barack Obama - articulate, clean, black - also called for Imus's dismissal articulately today.

Blah maintained that the withdrawal of virtually all of Imus's commercial sponsors had nothing to do with the decision. He actually managed to keep a straight face when he said this. General Motors, Proctor & Gamble, Phizer, Staples, NY Stock Exchange, and every Fortune 1000 sponsor quit the show in the last 24 hours leaving Imus's only remaining sponsors Western Wear Hats, Bubba's Bar-B-Q on NJ Route 301 (Exit 8A), & Bed, Bath & Spitoons.

There was no word as to radio simulcaster CBS's decision. It was certain among observers that the likely departure of commercial sponsors from CBS due to the Imus incident would have no effect on CBS's decision.

The Bush/Cheney - RNC team successfully deployed the potent and effective "race card" in the Tennessee Senate Race in 2006 to defeat Harold Ford, articulate, clean, and black while deftly attracting Hispanic voters in the Southwest US. It has not done so recently however. Coincidentally, there have been no elections recently.

After seven days, at press time today there was still no Administration reaction on the #1 issue dominating news and water cooler talk alike across the nation. White House Spokesperson (and First Dog) Barney, when asked what The Great Decider & Moral Leader's position on Imus might be, muttered what sounded to seasoned observers as "me too" as he (Barney, that is) drooled on a chew toy. Barney waddled off to an election strategy meeting with Mr. Rove or to "water" the rose garden.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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