Written by Brownpants

Thursday, 12 April 2007

image for Pop Queen Kylie in Ferret Addiction Hell

Aussie pop sausage Kylie Minogue has been admitted to hospital after revealing that she has developed a serious addiction to Ferrets. This news come only weeks after fellow pop icon Robbie Williams was discovered to have been dealing with a Weasel problem.

The Antipodean songstress was said to have discovered the lure of the rodent-like animal during her super special brave (much braver than the rest of us) recovery from career cancer last year. She had to have part of her career removed after it was found to be 'foul' and 'smelling'. Her time off for rehabilitation meant spending a lot of time alone at her $200 billion dollar mansion in Braintree, Essex.

"She bought the ferrets to keep her company, just the 2 initially." Said one source approximate to the star."But soon she was bringing home half a dozen a day!"

It wasn't long before friends and family started to become worried about the amount of animals freely roaming around the super-mansion. One friend, who didn't want to be named for fear of being seen as the money grabbing gossip-monger she is, told us "It was way out of control. At one point I reckon she had about 5000 of them. She told me she used to lock the door, take all her clothes off and roam the house stroking and fondling the ferrets. Other times she would just sit and let them run all over her while she sang a selection of her greatest hits. She's obviously a mental."

The dwarfish sex-symbol was admitted to hospital last week after her sister, surgically enhanced Kylie-wannabe Danni, drove her there on the promise of taking her to a ferret exhibition. Instead she drove the troubled starlet to Braintree Royal Infirmary where she was admitted to an insanery. Doctors have issued a statement describing her condition as "like a trifle, but with an apple on top"

This echoes the sad tale of fallen pop meat Robbie Williams who was found last month to have been holed up in his LA home with what one source said was "a positive shitload" of Weasels, and was refusing visitors and phone calls. His manager has since managed to coax him out of the Beverly Hills mansion with a fake Grammy and a box of Twix bars.

On a brighter note the 139th Braintree Ferret Exhibition passed on the same day without a hitch.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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