Leaked information from a security camera inside Dick Cheney's residence showed his pregnant lesbian daughter, Mary, dozing on the sofa after a large family meal. The Vice President was sitting next to her, talking into her belly button.
"Coochie coo, little Dick. Coochie coo," he said with childlike affection. "That's right. You're going to be named after me. And if you have a baby brother or lesbian sister in there with you, he will be little Hal Burton."
Then the Vice President tenderly sang to the fetus: "Hush little baby, don't you cry, grandpa's gonna sing you a lullaby. Hush little baby, don't you toil, grandpa's gonna leave you all the oil."
As his voice reached a sonorous pitch, Mary awoke, and the embarrassed V.P. told the fetus to f**k off.
