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Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

Cameron: I do not want to eject seamen prematurely

Adapting Royal Navy submarines to allow women to serve on them will cost £30 million, MPs were told. Defence Secretary Ivor Hammond-Organ said the money would allow women to have separate accommodation on the submarines; each room would have its own...

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Chinese Submarine on Secret Sex Mission

Funny story: Chinese Submarine on Secret Sex Mission

It was red faces all around again for British security forces when it was announced yesterday that a Chinese nuclear submarine had been monitoring Parliament for the last six months. The sub had apparently been submerged in the River Thames, adjacent...

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Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

Funny story: Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

The government has issued a stern warning to the British public: put your clocks forward before 2am on the 31st of March and face the consequences. "It is an offence and legal action will be taken against any offenders," Time Minister, Gerald Smith t...

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Oh dear, it's another 'public consultation'

Funny story: Oh dear, it's another 'public consultation'

Politicials love 'public consultations' because they seem so democratic and open. "You tell us what you want and we'll do it" Right? No actually it's "You tell us what you want and then we'll ignore you and do what we want." a la Heathrow's 3rd ru...

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New television series: "I'm a politician, get me out of here!"

Funny story: New television series: "I'm a politician, get me out of here!"

TV bosses are debating on what to call a new show, should it be; "Second Homes?" or "My Little Empire?" or "At Your Expense?" They finally agreed on a name. Thus a new (reality) television series is to be broadcast later this summer called: "I'm a...

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UK government admits that "Brexit plan fag packet" is missing

Funny story: UK government admits that "Brexit plan fag packet" is missing

In an astonishing admission of incompetence and poor planning, Prime Minister Theresa May has revealed that the cigarette packet on which Brexit plans were written has been missing for nearly two years. The empty box of Marlboro Lights was probabl...

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Boris Blames

Back and to the Left news and Boris Johnson have something in common. Both of us like to make up wildly inaccurate stories to discredit or embarrass others. However where we are a pair of idiots travelling around the country singing stupid songs he i...

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Lady Whip of West Ham: "I am not giving it to you, **** off."

Funny story: Lady Whip of West Ham:

The Dungeon Theatre, West Ham, London: Lady Labour Whip Lyn Brown, West Ham's Dominatrix 'infamous' rant at the Houses of Parliament; "For F***'s sake, move out of my F****** way." "You are such a rude F****** man, you just walked right in front of me." "I am not giving it to you, F*** off." "You just do that and see what happens." "You are harassing me, leave me alone." Lady Do...

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