The common draught excluder is not as innocent as it may seem. Indeed, it could be a sign of dangers to come, said Lord Elpus, yesterday in the Upper House.
"We live in troubled times, in which the common sort of person may rise up and seek desperate solutions.It all came to me in a dream," said the peer. "As I awoke at home by the front door, I gazed at the draught excluder and something urgent came to me.
"But after I had relieved myself I had another thought - how that innocent-seeming draught excluder resembled closely the facial adornments of so many bad men - the Communist dictator Stalin, Saddam Hussein, Pablo Escobar, the Colombian drug gang boss, and Mrs Mildred Twirl.
"And quick as a flash, after I had adjusted my garments, it occurred to me that the fashion for the common sort of householder to purchase draught excluders may suggest a secret yearning for a return to an era of Communist dictatorship, unfair practices in the South American narcotics markets, and Mrs Mildred Twirl.
"I want to know what the security services are doing about this, and Mrs Mildred Twirl, fascinating minx though she may be."
Mrs Twirl is due to appear at the re-opening of the Knightsbridge Polo Lounge in August (members only).