Politician's Dictionary

Written by Inchcock

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

image for Politician's Dictionary
A Voter - An Idiot!

How politicians think of the voters - Bitterness, spite.

What Politicians are preoccupied with - The study of wealth.

Only the very new, or the two honest MP's in Parliament would not know what this means - A bribe or illegal inducement.

Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts - A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.

Barclay's Bank:
The company who has 35 paid advisor's (like Ffion Hague, William Hague's wife) amongst our MP's and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be - Barclay's is made up of two 'Clusters': Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official's of the Government with ease.

Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party - Divided into two branches, paths.

Only the very new, or the two honest MP's in Parliament would not know what this means - An illegal or underhand inducement.

What Britain used to own and run in the UK -Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings.

A disease that grips MP's the instant they make their first expence fiddling claim - Obsession with money

The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power - Very dark; gloomy.

Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party - Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead.

Conservative MP's need not concern themselves with this word, they'll never need or understand it - Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

Coalition MP's need not concern themselves with this word, they'll never need or understand it - Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty.

Effect that Coalition MP's lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat - Having a harmful effect, injurious.

A disease that future MP's are born with - Insatiable urge to hold public office.

The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has not been to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco - The sixth-largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, and Ural Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian land mass.

This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP's and their bank balances - Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.

A word that the existence of was denied by Tony Blair, and every MP since! - Being likely to make a mistake.

Absolute mystery to MP's - Personal integrity.

An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all - Truthfulness, sincerity

Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! - Refers to the production of an economic good (either material or a service) within an economy.

Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than any other countries representatives - Telling fibs.

The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now - not in Parliament of course, it's been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey's years! - Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct.

This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since! - A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong

A natural instinct inbred in politicians over the years - Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit.

An unemployed voter, member of the proletariat - A person regarded as being of no importance or significance.

Treatment so enjoyed dishing out to the uneducated masses from MP's - Act of treading on or trampling underfoot.

Offshore Accounts:
An essential requirement for all MP's, even those two who are not on the fiddle. - A bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction (or tax haven) that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation (i.e. tax havens) easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability. For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!

A place where MP's can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money. - A legislature.

Personal Assistant:
MP's can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP's with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilises the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them - A slave.

The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party - Inactive or still, dormant.

An unemployed person - Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob.

Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year - Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others.

A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers - Killing of a tyrant.

An unavoidable, and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP's - The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain.

An Idiot - One who casts a vote for or against something.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more