Tory peer Howard Flight apologises for slagging off benefit claimants

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Tory peer Howard Flight apologises for slagging off benefit claimants
Claimant relaxes at his new address

New Conservative peer Howard Flight has issued an "unreserved" apology for saying child benefit changes would encourage the poor to "breed".

However, this kind of attitude should come as no surprise to those of us who hold the Tory Party as sexist and elitist.

Flight told the London Evening Standard: "We're going to have a system where the middle classes are discouraged from breeding because it's jolly expensive. But for those on benefits, there is every incentive. Well, that's not very sensible."

Other Tory peers are as forthright about benefits as Mr. Flight. For example, it is well known that, in order to make it harder to claim, forms will now only be printed in English.

Out-of-work Tory voter Jerry Bean says, "I've got a new Immigrant neighbour. His wife stays in the house all day, cooking and cleaning, and does exactly what he tells her to do. He comes home from his on-the-side, part-time job, then beats her. His house is all paid for by the government and he gets over £300 a week in benefits. I mean, I'm English so I should get something. It makes me sick. Bloody foreigners. Coming over here, living the dream."

Conservative Peer Phil Theerich rants: "So you don't want to go to school or get a job? That's okay, we will pay you benefits. You are a teenager and rather than work you decide to get pregnant? That's okay, we will give you a house, pay your rent and council tax and give you generous benefits and you won't even have to give up cigarettes or drink. You were unruly at school? No problem, we will spend more money on you than we do on pupils who behave and want to learn - here, have another fag while I work out some extra fecking benefits for you."

Latest Goverment figures show, of people claiming benefits, 123% of Liverpudlians are now unemployed.

It's easy to be cynical.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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