Rishi Sunak, the greatest Prime Minister of the British Empire, has bought himself a present for remaining in office for a 100 days! Wow! That’s (my math’s not too good, but …. carry the 2) that’s more than 44 days!
He bought himself (well, tax payers bought for him) a brand spanking new trampoline!
It’s currently installed on the street in front of Number 10, and the PM loves to bounce up and down all day.
“Weeeeee … I’m Superman!”
Well, no, Rishi, you’re just a Prime Minister, let’s not let things go to your head now.
“I can touch the sky! I can fly! Look at me everybody!”
Isn’t he adorable? Going up and down all day … whatever goes up must come down, after all, it’s just gravity, nothing to worry about.
“No, when I go up and up and up, I stay up! Nothing’s gonna bring me back down to earth! Not even that homeless guy I served breakfast to – more eggs? – and asked him what kind of job he does, and I was astounded that he didn’t tell me to go fuck myself and say ‘I’m homeless! Are you gonna get me a job, or are you just serving eggs? And how about more sausage, you cheap bastard!’ Up and down I go!”
Some neighbourhood children wandered by and asked the PM of all the Britains if they could have a jump.
“No! Get away – it’s mine! For Prime Ministers only! Ugly little ragamuffins, piss off – why don’t you have enough money to buy your own trampoline?”
Because we’re little kids, sir. Child labour was outlawed in this country shortly after Charles Dickens wrote “David Copperfield”.
“That’s always your excuse – no job, no money – but you want trampolines just to be handed to you? Bloody little rugrats – don’t touch my trampoline! Up and down, up and down I go … weeeee!”
And with that, we shall leave the Most Esteemed and Lordly Prime Minister of Avalon and Camelot and Merlin the Wizard of Fair Britannia!”
Cue national anthem … and that’s a wrap.
Let’s piss off to the pub and have a chuckle, what?