Woman's Nosy Neighbour Died Unexpectedly And Out-Of-The-Blue
A woman has told of her surprise and sadness when she learnt that her next-door-neighbour had inexplicably and unexpectedly kicked the bucket over the weekend. The woman - me mam, 82 - spoke of her neighbour, Susan, 69, who, without warning, gave...Read full story
Sick Truth Behind Andre The Giant's Death
Sex scientist and forensics expert Dr. Rudolph Lassaratte today announced the results of the ten year long autopsy of professional wrestler Andre the Giant, aka Andre Rene Roussimoff. Andre died January 27, 1993 and his autopsy took as long as it di...Read full story
"Somebody Just Fucking Died, and You Will Never See Them Again" Not a Phrase Likely to Replace "Celebration of Life" at Funeral Services
A new study released by the International Institution of Profoundly Good, Superior, and Extremely Wonderful Information released a confidential report last Thursday indicating that the harsh realities of life will continually be covered up by lies, d...Read full story
Man Got Drunk, Sat In A Wheelbarrow, And Cried For His Mommy
Christmas isn't always a happy time, and, for some people, it can be a period of downright misery. This was the case with one man on Christmas Day, when the pressure of his work, the failure of his relationship, and the alienation and isolation of be...Read full story
300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming
300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming Beaner, Tennessee - Jonnie Ben Johnson, a 41 year old Beaner homemaker, admits that she's petrified by the thought of dying from global warming, saying, "It scares...Read full story
Soprano-Corleone Mob Wars Claim More Lives.
Anthony Soprano Jr., son of alleged Mafia boss Tony Soprano, was found dead last night, outside his family's home. There has been no official word yet on the cause of death, so natural causes cannot be ruled out, but some witnesses reported seeing a...Read full story
"No, Henry, We Won't Publish Your 'Liberty or Death" Op-Ed"
SUBJECT: OP-ED SUBMISSION: "LIBERTY OR DEATH" FROM: oped@Richmondgazette.com DATE: March 20, 1775 To: Henry@Burgesses.va.gov ---------------- My Dear Henry: Pardon my informality with regard to your name, but I am a recent hire here at the Richmond Gazette, having just arrived from New York where I was editorial page editor of The Times, [the New Amsterdam Times] and I am unfamiliar with...Read full story
Movie-Quoting Dumbass Who Stood Precariously On Railing Of Cruise Ship No Longer King of the Wo- Woah! Aaaaaaaaah!
10 miles west of the Florida Keys- A cliché- and movie-quoting dumbass, who thought he was being really original by re-enacting a famous scene from the movie Titanic, ceased to be king of the world on Friday, when he slipped from the railing of the C...Read full story
Comic Book Superhero Captain America Dies
Captain America was killed in his latest Marvel Comics issue. The superhero, who was first published in World War II to fight against Hitler, joins a long list of dead comic book heros (several of whom have been resurrected or reborn). The New York...Read full story
Man freezes to death in the iciest of ice bucket challenges
Bronx, N.Y. - Ice bucket challenges have gone viral in the social media circuit. These challenges involve a nomination of friends who will either take the challenge or donate to a charity to fund research to reduce morbidity and mortality caused by A...Read full story
Dead bodies to be recycled
Along with the mounting concern over landfill sites rapidly running out of space comes a new worry that the same thing is happening to Britain's graveyards. Even though over 50% of the population choose to be cremated after death, approximately 3...Read full story
Jim Morrison's Body Exhumed
Paris -- There has always been a lot of controversy around the death of rock and roll legend Jim Morrison. The lead singer of the Doors died in a Paris Flat in July of 1971. The story of mystery signatures on his death certificate and his manager b...Read full story
Horror: Jack Dies In Terrifying Fall.
Jack Smith, 860, died last night in a terrifying fall from his beanstalk. The hero of the children's story had lived alone there ever since killing the Giant. The adventurer rose to fame when he misguidedly swapped a cow for magic beans. His fu...Read full story
Catholic Priest Was "Only Joking" About Boy's Suicide
A Catholic priest who shot his big, fat, stupid mouth off at a boy's funeral, about how suicide will anger God and prevent a dead person's soul from entering heaven, has said he was only joking. Father Don LaQuesta (not real name, but nearly) was...Read full story