Mutiny In Progress On Coronavirus Cruise Ship
The cruise ship, SS Diamond Princess, which has been docked at Yokohama in Japan, whilst hundreds of its passengers are being tested for the Coronavirus, has been over-run by a contingent of men with makeshift weapons, who have seized control of the...
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Valentine's Day Cancelled Due To You-Know-What
Chocolate manufacturers, as well as greeting card and flower sellers all over the world are in uproar this morning, after an international ban on celebrating Valentine's Day came into force, due to the possible spread of infection of the deadly You-k...
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Coronavirus Resistant To All Attempts To Change Its Name
The deadly Coronavirus, which was officially named by the World Health Organization (WHO) as Covid-19 earlier this week, is strongly resisting all attempts to rename it, and has been appearing in many places still under its original moniker. The v...
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Sick Truth Behind Andre The Giant's Death
Sex scientist and forensics expert Dr. Rudolph Lassaratte today announced the results of the ten year long autopsy of professional wrestler Andre the Giant, aka Andre Rene Roussimoff. Andre died January 27, 1993 and his autopsy took as long as it di...
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Washington Post - "Remembers Softer Side of War"
WASHINGTON DC - It's often considered poor etiquette to "speak ill of the dead", and the staff of the Washington Post newspaper has gone the extra mile to show kindness when the Cold Hand of Death reached out on the field of battle. In this case, the...
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Man In Dispute With Wife, Over Motorbike
A man has revealed details of a dispute he is having with his wife, over her daughter - his step-daughter - riding their motorbike. The daughter/step-daughter is only 13 years old, and cannot legally be in charge of a motor vehicle anywhere on the...
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Priti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law
Town appalled flume ride uses dirty water
Want to live forever? There's an app for that
Millennial Worries that Being Dead Might Be Even More Boring than Being Alive
Man's Worst Fears Confirmed
Skeleton Found Asleep In Bed
ENRON body count grows as another banker tops himself
World's Oldest Looking Man Dies Aged 77
Bodies of dead Daily Mail readers are not being buried because of credit crunch
Keith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did
Revealed: Best Was Allowed One Last Death-Bed Bender
NFL's Goodell Speaks On New Peterson Revelation
Death Row Cat Evades Man's Attempts To Capture It
A cat which bit a woman's leg for no reason whatsoever other than it is a very bad cat, has been accused, investigated, convicted and sentenced to death, and has subsequently been put on Death Row. The cat, which is a ginger color, bit my wife the...
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US Cigarette Production Goes Into Overdrive
US manufacturers of cigarettes have said that thousands of new jobs will soon be available, after it was announced, yesterday, that e-cigarettes were to be outlawed in San Francisco. Cigarette manufacturers immediately began advertizing for staff...
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Michael Jackson Fakes Death, Goes Into Hiding
LOS ANGELES, CA - Michael Jackson, reported to have died earlier today, actually faked his own death in an elaborate hoax to escape the media, says a source who asked to remain anonymous for her own protection. She claims the body found by paramed...
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Soprano-Corleone Mob Wars Claim More Lives.
Anthony Soprano Jr., son of alleged Mafia boss Tony Soprano, was found dead last night, outside his family's home. There has been no official word yet on the cause of death, so natural causes cannot be ruled out, but some witnesses reported seeing a...
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Palace Bans Prince Philip Dead Pool Entries
In an unusual move Buckingham Palace has banned the UK from adding Prince Philip to any dead pools around the country. Following his recent appearance at the Royal Wedding of Harry and Meghan, where he looked like he needed a decent taxidermist ra...
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EastEnders Mel Death Sparks Calls For Lorry Driver 'Extra' Investigation
After the tragic fictional death, on Thursday, of EastEnders star, Mel Owen, there were calls, last night, for a thorough and rigorous investigation into just how the 'extra' employed as the driver of the lorry that killed her, was ever given a part...
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300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming
300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming Beaner, Tennessee - Jonnie Ben Johnson, a 41 year old Beaner homemaker, admits that she's petrified by the thought of dying from global warming, saying, "It scares...
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Dave leaves it to Nick to explain
Days before an important by election cased by the humiliating resignations of the Lib Dem mainstay Chris Huhne the Prime Minister is to force Nick Clegg to explain why the UK joined Greece this week in becoming one of two first world countries where...
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Actress Fay Wray - Dead from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
NEW YORK (AP) Seventy-one years after her harrowing experience with one of nature's most awesome creatures, screen legend Fay Wray died in her Manhattan apartment. Death finally came to Fay Wray not far from the Empire State Building where mil...
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Two separate piles of ash found behind White House gym, later revealed to be the remains of Trump and Biden
Washington, D.C. - The spat between President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden has dominated news cycles in recent days. However, the threats of physical violence they made against each other pale in comparison to what may go down as the mos...
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California Officials to Blow up Oroville Damn!
UPDATE: CALFISH is now evacuating the Salmon from below the Damn. According to spokes-fish Hal A. Bight, the fish, and their human worshippers, are stealthily exiting for high ground. “We like water, but a 100-foot wall of it moving at seventy-...
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Man Dies After Walking Under Ladder
A New York man who was described by those who knew him as "extremely superstitious", is dead tonight, after he inadvertently walked under a ladder. Frank Ouija, 87, died in hospital on Saturday after a long and painful battle with illness, but tol...
Read full storyFunny Death Headlines
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British Swimmer Claims Silver After Near-Death Experience
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Siesmologists Determine Pat Garrett Roles Over In Grave
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Puffy Homosexual From Beetlejuice Finally Dies: No, Not Catherine O'Hara...
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Fitness Guru Jack LaLanne Exposed As Fraud
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Woman's Bad Breath Kills Seven on Tourist Train
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Man Sees Lorry With His Name On It Near His Home
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Gecko Eaten By Army Of Ants
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Grieving Woman Finds Difficult People Refreshing to Be Around
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Outwardly Sympathetic Coworkers Privately Feel Woman Should Be Over Her Dead Cat by Now
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Two Flies Put To Death At Breakfast
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Texas Death Row Inmate Uses Intelligent Design to Escape
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Top Russian banker shot dead: a case of assisted suicide?
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Jim Morrison's Body Exhumed
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Michael Parker Pen & The Your Going to Die Plan
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Thai Government Issues Travel Warning for UK
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World's Tallest Dwarf Dies Aged 28
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"Most Remarkable and Kindest Person You Would Wish To Meet" Dies Again
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The Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death's Bus Tour in 2025
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Spirulina Is Soylent Green
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West Brom Fans Disrespectful To Fallen War Heroes
