Idiot Decapitated by French Revolution Guillotine Ride at Georgia Six Flags

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Monday, 30 June 2008


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Typical 'amusement park' ride ticket holder.

A teenager has been decapitated by the Robespierre Reign of Terror roller coaster Saturday at Six Flags Over Georgia, authorities said. The young man exceeded the maximum height requirement for the ride, but apparently slipped in unnoticed by ticket takers.

Six Flags officials are uncertain why the 7-ft-tall bucktoothed native of Springfield, South Carolina chose to bypass the many multilingual signs clearly listing height limits and the gruesome effects of decapitation, a spokeswoman said in a news release.

Authorities are investigating reports from witnesses who said the teen slumped down while in line, repeatedly pretended to tie his shoelaces, and employed other diversionary tactics to gain his ill-fated seat.

Police will not be able to release the teenager's name or IQ until an autopsy is completed, or his hard head can be found, whichever comes first.

Six Flags said it closed the roller coaster after the Saturday afternoon accident out of respect for all those who gave their lives for France between 1789 and 1799.

Police said the ride was going full-speed when the victim was struck. The ride's top speed is 50 mph, according to the park's website, though its blades have dulled somewhat since the ride first opened.

No one under six feet tall riding on the roller coaster was injured, though a few were bespattered with gore.

In May 2002, 18-year-old Welshman was gassed back to Blighty, after he boarded the WWI-themed Trench Warfare ultra-realism ride without donning the recommended gas mask.

The ride was closed for a day to allow the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration to inspect the ride. It was deemed safe for passengers with IQs over 80 and without pacemakers.

In June 2007, a teenage girl's legs were severed while she was enjoying the Whitechapel Dark Alley ride in the popular Jack the Ripper amusement section at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville, Ky.

Her family is suing Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, claiming the park succeeded in realistically recreating one of the most dangerous sections of 1888 London.

Since most amusement park rides fall so short of realism as to be laughable, visions of gory dismemberment never crossed her parents' minds as they sent her off to a ticket booth with the large-print words 'Jack the Ripper' on display.

The amusement park has denied any liability or wrongdoing in providing the public with all the amusement it deserves.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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