Michael Jackson Fakes Death, Goes Into Hiding

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 26 June 2009

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Michael Jackson, reported to have died earlier today, actually faked his own death in an elaborate hoax to escape the media, says a source who asked to remain anonymous for her own protection.

She claims the body found by paramedics, which was supposed to have been Jackson in a coma, was really a lifelike, exquisitely detailed replica of the star, while the paramedics themselves were actors hired by the King of Pop, all of this serving to fool camera crews who could then "truthfully" report the tragic death of an American icon.

Meanwhile, she says, Jackson is alive and well, resting in his hyperbaric chamber before his big trip to Memphis, Tennessee tomorrow to visit the grave of ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley's father, Elvis.

Many remember Elvis Aaron Presley as a white man who became rich doing watered-down black music decades before Jackson himself went white and never went back, eventually becoming even more famous than The King.

After visiting Graceland, she says even she doesn't know where Jackson may be headed. "I suspect it's going to be someplace very private, away from everyone's prying eyes," she added in a disapproving tone, clearly unaware of her own hypocrisy.

Skeptics of her theory include doctors, who suggest it is much more likely the pop idol succumbed to complications from past and/or present cocaine use, citing the falling off of Jackson's nose, his incredibly low body mass index, and his death at the early age of 50 from heart problems despite the amazing level of athleticism required by his strenuous dance routines and techniques.

Three out of five coke dealers and four out of five users are said to have confirmed the plausibility of this theory, adding that if he's gone into hiding, it's probably to do even more of the stuff.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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