NFL's Goodell Speaks On New Peterson Revelation

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

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Minnesota Vikings Adrian Peterson, already facing felony charges in Texas for child abuse, was accused in a separate incident involving another son who was 4 years old. In that case Peterson inflicted a head wound on his son, who was in a car seat, that apparently inflicted a scar, according to a text by Texas Child Protective Services

"Be still n take ya whooping he would have saved the scare (scar). He aight (all right) " said the text.

Peterson, who attended the University of Oklahoma for 3 years, speaks English below the level of recently arrived U.S. immigrants who struggle with the language, as is the case with many NFL former college players.

In the more recent case Peterson beat his son with a piece of wood - a "switch"- that resulted in cuts and bruises to the boy's back, buttocks, legs and pouch of skin holding the testicles known as the scrotum. Peterson has been indicted in that case and faces a potentially stiff legal sentence.

Peterson's playing in NFL games will not be affected by the two cases. Commissioner Roger Goodell said today "Even if a Grand Jury indicts Peterson for felony child abuse in the just revealed older case, he should be able to play on Sundays because we don't want to interfere with the proceedings of the great American legal system."

Commissioner Goodell also stated, "It should also be noted that Adrian is a father who administers corporal punishment in a loving way. If he causes scars and abrasions to helpless four-year-olds, he has no intent of doing so. That would also be true if he accidentally kills a child," said the NFL Commissioner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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