Trump Says God Told Him To Build Wall
US president Donald Trump has claimed that the idea to build the southern border wall to physically separate the US from Mexico was not entirely his own, having had, he says, advice directly from God. The wall, which stretches for nearly 2,000 mil…
Read full storyRepublican Party To Dump Trump
Coming from a safe source, the Republican Party is planning to dump Donald Trump as a presidential candidate. Of course, he doesn’t know yet, and no, they aren’t planning to give the nomination to Kanye West or Mike Pence. The word is coming from…
Read full storyMan Sustains Tongue Injury
A man who collapsed at a school with an injury to his tongue, has now fully recovered, is back at work, and is no worse for wear. The man, 'Steve', is a 'teacher' in a local school who, having had little or no idea what was required of him due to…
Read full storyToddler still babbling about the same old nonsense
Two-year-old toddler Brian Smith is still babbling the same old nonsense he said at twenty months, reveal his slightly bored parents. Mother Lorraine said: 'When he first learnt to make noises, it was good, but now it is so boring. When he first s…
Read full storyKentucky Derby will be run WITHOUT jockeys at Churchill Downs race track on September 5 as COVID-19 spikes in Louisville
The Kentucky Derby will run without jockeys at the historic Churchill Downs race track, due to rises in COVID-19 cases in the Louisville area. The race, which is usually run in May, but was postponed this year until September 5 due to the pandemic…
Read full story"I didn't punch that Greek bastard's lights out!" claims lad from Sheffield
(UNEDITED) Ouzo can have strange effects on boozing Brits lounging on Greek islands after a 'Hard Day's Night" especially those from the grand old county of Yorkshire, UK, where they breed them hard, and not so fast! One Sheffield lad, who was le…
Read full storyManchester United Must Seek To Strengthen Defence, Says Bloke In Pub
After finishing last season in a creditable third position behind only the champions, Liverpool, and Manchester City, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Manchester United team will need to add more strength to their back four if they are to mount a serious chal…
Read full storyPresident Trump Loves QAnon But Many Proud Republicans Including Mitch McConnell and Chris Christie Hate It
COTTON BALLS, Georgia – (Satire News) - The extreme far-right organization known as QAnon has stated that they would support the President even if he shot up a petting zoo. One outspoken member who goes by the name “Wino Wayne,” said that their go…
Read full storyGuatemala’s Most Powerful Drug Cartel Has Just Purchased a Professional Soccer Team
GUATEMALA CITY – (Sports Satire) - Guatemala’s Nacional News is reporting that the Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel has just purchased Guatemala’s most popular soccer team, the Guatemala City Banananistas. The Cartel’s drug lord, Gomer Ixtantan, told…
Read full storyThe National Enquirer Announces They’ve Permanently Laid-Off Trump's "Fixer" CEO David Pecker
LANTANA, Florida – (Satire News) - The "Tabloid Tyrant" who, for many years, defended his BFF Donald J. Trump, has been shown the front door at the headquarters of the nation’s number one supermarket tabloid, the National Enquirer. CEO David Pecke…
Read full storyThe First Day of the RNC Convention Will Feature Scott Baio, Melania Trump, and Monica Lewinsky
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - RNC moderators Diamond and Silk have just announced the main speakers for the opening night of President Donald Trump’s presidential convention. Diamond said that 70s TV star Scott Baio will speak about how the P…
Read full storyMartha Stewart Crosses Wires With Trump-Putin Conversation
After Trump got into the White House, Jared Kushner, (4 to 8 years) tried to set up a direct line from Donald Trump, (20 to 99 years) connecting with Putin by way of the DC Russian Embassy. Not being a telephone lineman or first in his class at Whart…
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