Martha Stewart Crosses Wires With Trump-Putin Conversation

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 22 August 2020

image for Martha Stewart Crosses Wires With Trump-Putin Conversation
"Martha used my eggs for what?"

After Trump got into the White House, Jared Kushner, (4 to 8 years) tried to set up a direct line from Donald Trump, (20 to 99 years) connecting with Putin by way of the DC Russian Embassy. Not being a telephone lineman or first in his class at Wharton or Harvard, the son-in-law had some problems.

The telephone connection was often overlooked in the past, but with the upcoming election, the wires had been burning day and night, turning bright red and hot.

Something had to give.

So Martha Stewart was filming the recipe for making a ten-egg white soufflé in her magnificent, perfectly-appointed kitchen. She already separated ten eggs, beat the egg whites to fluffy peaks, and was about to add the freshly grated Farmgirl Goat Cheese.

Through the overhead loudspeaker came: “That f--ker is going to win the f--king election, kick me out of the f--king White House, and I’m going to land in f--king jail.”

Martha was startled! Dynamite Rachel Ray would have kept working. Bobby Flay would have taken notes.

A heavily-accented Russian voice came over the loudspeaker. “Cancel election. Name yourself lifetime president for good of country. Peasants like. Invite Joe Biden for dinner.”

Martha suspiciously started looking around the kitchen, under counters and tables. “Cancel what? This souffle is for lunch, not dinner. Why is there a voice coming through the overhead loudspeaker?"

"For the f--king good of the country! Yeah! That’s a goodly, goodly one. And serve Biden one of my special chili tacos.”

“Nyet! Serve borscht. Good poison.”

“Who said that? My borscht isn’t poison. I’m making a ten-egg white Farmgirl Goat Cheese soufflé.”

Despite the coup and planned murder of the leader of the opposite party, it was Martha’s threats that finally blew the fuses and wires apart with a champagne cork double pop.

After repairs, with a rolling pin in hand, Martha demanded to know whose voice was coming through the overhead kitchen loudspeaker.

The loudspeaker didn't speak, but a heavily-accented Russian voice announced, “Sorry, wrong number.”

Making scrambled eggs instead, Martha said, “I could have sworn that other guy was Donald Trump.”

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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