GUATEMALA CITY – (Sports Satire) - Guatemala’s Nacional News is reporting that the Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel has just purchased Guatemala’s most popular soccer team, the Guatemala City Banananistas.
The Cartel’s drug lord, Gomer Ixtantan, told Nacional that they literally stole the team from its owners for $90,000 (U.S. money).
He noted that the owners initially wanted $213 million for the team, but, after a bit of back and forth haggling, they were finally persuaded to accept the $90,000 figure.
The Banananistas will keep their name, but they have hired a new manager.
Cartel boss Gomer Ixtantan, who is a self-taught attorney, has named his nephew, Edelbertito Luna del Sol, 19, as the new manager.
The Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel will be building a brand new, state-of-the-art stadium, which is being patterned after Real Madrid's El Bernabeu Stadium.
The stadium, which will accommodate 79,302 fans, will include four restaurants, a gasoline station, a clinic, a cocaine factory, and a house of ill-repute.
