Man Sustains Tongue Injury

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 22 August 2020

image for Man Sustains Tongue Injury
Red lorry yellow lorry, red lorry yellow lolly...aaagh!

A man who collapsed at a school with an injury to his tongue, has now fully recovered, is back at work, and is no worse for wear.

The man, 'Steve', is a 'teacher' in a local school who, having had little or no idea what was required of him due to having had no previous experience in education, stumbled on the idea of introducing his 8-year-old students to the concept of tongue-twisters.

"She sells sea shells on the shea sho... no wait," laughed Steve, as the students looked on, bemused.

He wrote it up on the board, then started anew.

"She sells sea shells, on the sea sore...aagh!"

The students started to get it, and some laughed, albeit nervously. A few began to read.

"See shells she sells..."

Oh, the laughter!

Teacher Steve then executed a perfect rendition of 'She sells seas shells' whilst reading robotically from his book.

Then, erasing the text from the board, he wrote a new Tongue-Twister, the world-famous 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' in its place.

Taking a deep breath for dramatic effect, he launched into it with gusto, spluttering as he went, only stopping when it appeared he was choking to death. He sank to the floor, clutching at his throat.

The children spoke in unison:

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?"

A teacher from the next room heard the kerfuffle, and, acting on instinct, rescued Steve's tongue from being swallowed.

She said:

"It appears Teacher Steve had got into difficulties due to the extreme vocal acrobatics necessary to correctly perform this activity. We might say he took his task a little too literally. His tongue is well-and-truly twisted!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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