Kim Jong Un Transferred to US Walter Reed Hospital in Late Night Rescue Mission
(Bethesda, MD) Under direct orders from President Trump, North Korea’s president, Kim Jong Un, was airlifted out of the country’s capital city in a late-night rescue mission, and flown to the United States, where he was admitted to the Walter Reed Ar...
Read full storyGovernor Cuomo Takes Food Tasters To White House
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo transferred and promoted two members from his security staff to food tasters after accepting an invitation by Donald Trump to the White House. Asked what was going to be on his agenda when he meets Trump, the govern...
Read full storyMcDonald’s Adds Sweet Crude to Value Menu
(Chicago, IL) In a surprising move, fast-food giant McDonald’s added “Barrel of Crude Oil” to their world-wide menu offerings yesterday, where it is featured on the Value Menu or Dollar Menu joining all-time favorites the McChicken and the McDouble.
Read full storyThe Queen Is Having Another 'Annus Horribilis' - And It's Only April!
The carefully chosen words of Her Majesty the Queen in her Guildhall message in 1992, about her 'annus horribilis' are often fondly remembered and dragged out at parties, but, even though we are only halfway through April, it looks like this year is...
Read full storyJimmy Carr or a Flock of Geese?
Chutney on the Fritz family, the Johnsons, were out playing their favourite game around the pool this morning: A flock of Canada Geese or Jimmy Carr's Laugh? The trio, who have been playing the game for eight years now, ever since Tom was six, and...
Read full storyTeenager will definitely ask girl out
Chutney on the Fritz's most famous teenager, Thomas Johnson, has decided that, when the lockdown is over, he will ask his friend Sarah to go to the cinema with him. The strangely cheerful teen said: 'I like Sarah, I mean, like her. Things happen t...
Read full storyCouple still arguing over his experimental jazz albums
Mithering on the Trent anorak, Ray Smythe, and his partner of six years, Harriet Finknottle, are still arguing about his taste in experimental jazz, and his collection of rare and obscure jazz titles. 'Honestly,' said Harriet 'I like some jazz, an...
Read full storyCDC Encourages Americans that Lessons They’re Learning from COVID-19 Will Serve Them Well in Next Pandemic, Which Will Likely Be More Like Leprosy
Congratulating Americans on their response to the deadly worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encouraged people that they'll be able to apply the lessons they’re learning from coronavirus in the next pandemic, w...
Read full storySpurs' Tanguy Ndombele donates giant personal stash of frozen pies to NHS workers
Tottenham Hotspur midfielder, Tanguy Ndombele, has generously agreed to donate his private collection of pukka pies to hungry NHS workers in North London. “People may say I’m selfish for having over ten thousand pies stashed away in my freezer du...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Euthanasia Plan To Cut Coronavirus Death Toll
After yesterday's news that UK residents aged over 70 might be required to remain under lockdown until at least the autumn of 2021, a new leak has emerged claiming that Prime Minister Boris Johnson is currently discussing an even more radical plan fo...
Read full storyNicolle Wallace Says She is Afraid That President Trump is Heading for a Nervous Breakdown
NEW YORK CITY - Nicolle Wallace served as communications director under President George W. Bush. The former staunch Republican woman says that she has had her fill of DJT, who she opines is 73 going on 3. Wallace, said that she is afraid that...
Read full storyChrysler to Introduce the World’s Smallest Car
DETROIT – The Chrysler Motor Corporation has just announced that they will soon be coming out with a brand new automobile. Chrysler spokeswoman Pamela Paloonick, 59, said that the car giant will be introducing the 2021 Chrysler Koala. She stat...
Read full storyNASA Discovers a Brand New Planet
HOUSTON – NASA has just informed the media that planetary scientists have just made an astounding discovery. The team of scientists, who use the code name, 'the Brainiacs', have announced that they have just discovered a planet that they guess is...
Read full storyCountry Singer Blake Shelton Says That This Sheltering-in-Place Policy Has Quadrupled His Beer Consumption
TISHOMINGO, Oklahoma – The 43-year-old country music singer, Blake Shelton, says that he really misses performing before a live audience. Shelton said that he and his girlfriend, Gwen Stefani, and a bunch of her kids, are sheltering-in-place at hi...
Read full storyMan Picks Up CD Bargains In Library Sale
End-of-year library sales are notoriously good pickings for those with an interest in books, and particularly cheap books, but one man has told how he unearthed a treasure trove of musical gems, in the form of cut-price CDs. Myke Woodson, 56, is a...
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