Boris Johnson Euthanasia Plan To Cut Coronavirus Death Toll

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 21 April 2020

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Yes, I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you this, ladies...

After yesterday's news that UK residents aged over 70 might be required to remain under lockdown until at least the autumn of 2021, a new leak has emerged claiming that Prime Minister Boris Johnson is currently discussing an even more radical plan for the country's oldsters - enforced Euthanasia.

Those at the upper end of the UK's age range are particularly 'at risk' from the Coronavirus, and have been told to stay indoors, and not admit anyone into their homes. They have been especially warned not to go to the Bingo.

But this, to many, is a removal of their personal freedom, and an affront to their civil liberties. Pensioners' groups have said that the government has, effectively, passed a 'life sentence on old people', and is condemning them to the rest of their days in the jails of their own homes.

Sensing unrest, Mr. Johnson has floated his Euthanasia plan to his inner circle, from where a leaked memorandum has emerged. Part of it says:

"Those of advanced years would be treated with dignity and humility, and looked after in a way befitting their status as old codgers."

It would, says the PM, "save millions of pounds, and possibly, the NHS."

The sticking point to the plan appears to be the age at which the 'retirement' would begin - either 70, or as early as 65 - and a decision is expected later this week.

It's also been suggested that Mr. Johnson has another idea up his sleeve, which is known to his colleagues as 'Youthanasia'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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