Ultra-rich Facing New Challenges Due to COVID-19
(Greenwich St, New York NY) The Ultra-rich (commonly known as "The 1% of the 1%"), are facing real challenges during the current world health crisis, despite having the financial means to seemingly overcome anything. A country in peril. Its citiz...
Read full storyTekashi69 COVID-19 Fundraiser Song Released!
(Brooklyn, New York) Rapper, social media influencer, urban poet, and Internet meme groundbreaker Tekashi69 wasted no time after his recent release from a Brooklyn jail (due to the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic) to release a new song meant to raise...
Read full storyTea-Boy considering his options
William Worthing, from tiny little hamlet Mithering on the Trent, has told us, (as if we were really listening) that the Coronavirrus has forced some quite big changes on his life, about his career, his personal life, and his taste in clothes, music,...
Read full storyHouses of Worship in Accounting Crisis Over Relief Package
(Madison TWP, PA) America’s church bookkeepers and other non-profit religious organizations have been left baffled on how to manage government bailout money being shoveled their way. The U.S. Federal government’s unprecedented approval of a $2 t...
Read full storyPeople lowering their standards on dating sites
It has been brought to our mention that, with Coronavirus, a lot of people are wasting their time and money on dating websites (even more than usual), and many have told us that they will be lowering their standards as and when restrictions are lifte...
Read full storyNow you know how your local weirdo feels.
With Coronavirus, we can now all know how your local weirdo feels. All of the time. We all have them. The chap who is always scowling. The 49-year-old with pigtails. We all cross the road to avoid eye contact or their tales of woe, but now we all...
Read full storyWheelie Bin Can Levitate
A couple from Portsmouth have said they have photographic evidence that their neighbours' wheelie bin is possessed by spirits - possibly evil - and is able to levitate above the footpath. Wally and Madge Crapper have seen the grey bin, which is em...
Read full storyTrump Destroys Parachutes Of Crashing Plane
It’s like destroying parachutes on an aircraft and knowing the plane will crash. Dumb. It's like shutting off the water to a fire hydrant during a house fire. Dumb again. It's like sinking a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. It is dumb, stu...
Read full storyVictor's Railroad to Hell
THE world’s dumbest train driver has got lost for the last time. Victor Wayakeya, who had been found wandering from his train looking at dirt tracks on four previous occasions, left his passengers stranded by a field in Omaha when he lost his bear...
Read full storyFlouting Shelter in Place Order, Nashville Man Takes Stand for Constitutional Rights by Leaving House to Check Mail
Refusing to be deprived of his Constitutional right to liberty, to peaceably assemble, and to practice the religion he describes as naturalism, Mitch Walden of Nashville, Tennessee, unabashedly flouted the Tennessee governor’s COVID-19 shelter in pla...
Read full storyCarnage at Local IHOP over Last Stack of Pancakes
Police in this sleepy Indiana town were called to quell a violent disturbance at the local IHOP diner this morning. “It was absolute carnage,” reported Sergeant Nick Buckley, who was first on the scene. “In all my years on the force, I’ve never se...
Read full storyJimmy Kimmel Says That Broadcasting His Show From His Home is Totally Depressing
LOS ANGELES – All of the late night talk show hosts have been doing their shows from their homes due to the Coronavirus pandemic. Jimmy Kimmel said that the sheltering-in-place is causing him to hallucinate and become extremely depressed. He to...
Read full storyA Couple Holds Up a Food Bank
CHEYENNE, Wyoming – With food banks popping up all over the place due to the COVID-19, it was inevitable that one would get held up. The Cheyenne Police Department reported that the First Food Bank of Cheyenne was held up by two individuals that w...
Read full storyPrince Harry and Meghan Markle Buy An Avocado Farm
CARPINTERIA, California – The happy former royal couple recently sat down with Tittle Tattle Tonight reporter, Pico de Gallo, and talked about their life post-Buckingham Palace. Considering that the country, like most countries, is presently a mes...
Read full storySenior Citizens Have Discovered Sexting
CHARLESTON, South Carolina – The local Apple store has informed the media that, due to the state’s Shelter-in-Place C-19 policy, many of the state’s older residents have taken up texting. Felicity Mannheim, who has been the assistant manager at th...
Read full storyTrump Leaves To Help Russia Re-Open Their Economy
Donald Trump, angry at everyone in the United States, has left to help Russia. "Im going where Im appreciated!" the President shouted, as he walked over the tarmac to board Airforce One. "Come home rodnoy brat (brother)," said Putin in an inter...
Read full storyMan Breaks Record By Writing Story In Only Four Minutes
A man has revealed how he managed to smash the world record for conceiving, creating, writing, and publishing a story of no particular import on a satirical news website, this morning. Myke Woodson, 56, claims he took just four minutes - or therea...
Read full story