A Couple Holds Up a Food Bank

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

image for A Couple Holds Up a Food Bank
The food bank workers said that the robbers spoke with a Polynesian accent.

CHEYENNE, Wyoming – With food banks popping up all over the place due to the COVID-19, it was inevitable that one would get held up.

The Cheyenne Police Department reported that the First Food Bank of Cheyenne was held up by two individuals that were wearing N95 medical masks.

Officer Cyrus Garbo (Badge #890321) said that a worker at the food bank remarked that the couple, who had a Polynesian accent, suddenly pulled out a trash bag and instructed one of the food bank workers to fill it with steaks, a pineapple, frozen shrimp, and three boxes of Kellogg’s Special K cereal.

The two were reportedly brandishing what looked to be a Glock 9 and a Swiss Army knife.

Witnesses reported hearing the couple talking about possibly taking a hostage, but they changed their minds when everyone took off running toward the asparagus and kale sections.

The culprits were captured a block away when they dropped the frozen shrimp, and the woman, who weighed every bit of 375 pounds, slipped and landed on their dog, Misty.

Police took the pair into custody and they are now sitting in the Cheyenne Police Station, hungry, sweaty, and in a whole heap of trouble, as they say in Wyoming.

Meanwhile Misty was unhurt, scared as heck, but unhurt.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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