Tekashi69 COVID-19 Fundraiser Song Released!

Funny story written by Reggie "Rex" Stain

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

image for Tekashi69 COVID-19 Fundraiser Song Released!

(Brooklyn, New York) Rapper, social media influencer, urban poet, and Internet meme groundbreaker Tekashi69 wasted no time after his recent release from a Brooklyn jail (due to the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic) to release a new song meant to raise awareness and money to help that borough’s devastating battle with COVID-19.

The song, aptly titled, “F——— CV” was originally a three-minute-45-second screed on Mr. Tekashi69’s opinion of the disease, based on extensive research done through social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Unfortunately, due to FCC decency guidelines, the publicly available track was edited to remove any questionable language, drug references, or adult subjects deemed harmful to listeners. This left the final song only five seconds long, and comprised of three words:


The last word, while considered inappropriate in some contexts, was permitted in the final copy because, according to one FCC reviewer, “I really had no idea what he was saying through most of the song, and I just kind of gave up.”

Skeeter “Skeet Da Man” Coolidge, Mr. Tekashi69’s manager, backed the final product up in a phone interview: “Sure, my man spit out some harsh words, but that’s what you do when you from the street. It’s the thought that counts, and any of you punk ass bitches wanna step, you best bring an AK to match up against anything my man brings.” Neither Mr. Tekashi’s record label, Deez Nutz, nor its parent company, Sony-BMG-Arista-Disney, could be reached for comments.

These are definitely dark, unprecedented times, but Mr. Tekashi69 is there to help be a beacon of hope. The song is available on Soundcloud, MySpace, or random flashdrives dropped in various parking lots around Brooklyn.

Thank you, Mr. Tekashi69!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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