Santa Claus Targeted by Right-Wing Militia Group

Written by Gene Morrison

Saturday, 7 September 2019

image for Santa Claus Targeted by Right-Wing Militia Group
A member of The DFLOTTSP practices his Santa Sniping

At approximately 9AM eastern time this morning, the right-wing militia group "Defenders of Freedom, Liberty, and Other Things That Sound Patriotic" (or DFLOTTSP) threatened a popular holiday figure.

According to a statement made by The DFLOTTSP, Santa Claus is the ultimate socialist sympathizer. According to Jedediah Wayne, a member of the militia, "Santa Claus takes one day a year to distribute FREE stuff to children all over the world. Whatever happend to EARNING what you get?" It certainly doesn't help that Santa Claus wears a red outfit and lives in The North Pole (with its close proximity to Russia.) "I mean, just look at him!" continued Wayne, "The guy's a commie!"

The DFLOTTSP plans to fire on Santa's very eco-friendly mode of transportation as he travels over The Appalachin Mountains on December 24. They are hoping that showing how easy it is to take down a flying sleigh will persuade people to use fossil fuels when taking to the skies.

It is also important to note that last year the leader of the DFLOTTSP was on the naughty list, and the plans for the attack were initially brainstormed on December 26th of last year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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