Tom Brady to Retire!

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Saturday, 7 September 2019

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Boston, Mass. In a stunning announcement the New England Patriots revealed that famed and long-time Patriots quarterback Tom Brady will retire minutes before the kickoff at the season opening game with the Pittsburgh Steelers here Sunday night.

Following the coin toss. Brady will remove his helmet, wave to the crowd, and walk solemnly to the dressing room for the last time. It remains to be seen what the fans' reaction will be. Andrew Luck was booed when he quit the Indianapolis Colts last week. Brady, however, has brought New England fans six Super Bowl championships during his stellar career.

Brady will issue a tweet earlier in the day. explaining his difficult decision. Insiders say he is retiring to accept a position in the Trump Administration, most likely as Athletic Czar, a post Trump will create by executive order and which will give Brady virtually unlimited power to rule over all professional sports with an iron fist.

His first act is expected to be an absolute prohibition of all protests during the National Anthem, with the penalty being a lifetime ban from the game.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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