Mason Greenwood To Be Wrapped In Cotton Wool
Mason Greenwood, the 17-year-old Manchester United striker, is to be wrapped in cotton wool, in order that the precocious talent might avoid getting injured. Greenwood showed extreme maturity, last night, in scoring United's only goal in their 1-0...
Read full storyAre You Psychotic? Answer this questionnaire and find out, you crazy bastard.
By Dr. Ronald Thompson Are you psychotic? Sure, we all wonder that. In my practice, patients have asked me that question numerous times, and I always give them the same answer: Probably. But I needed more than that to actually prove that someon...
Read full storyExtremist's World to Open in Las Vegas
Liberal wing-nuts, and conservative dirt-bags are now enjoying a new resurgence in mainstream social life. The problem that they share in common, is that regular Americans can't stand them! Radicalism has always shaped people's lives in tragic an...
Read full story"P---ing For Distance;" New Olympics Event
Lausanne, Switzerland. Special to The Spoof. Following a tumultuous meeting of the International Olympics Committee, a divided membership narrowly voted to add P---ing For Distance as a probationary event in the 2024 Olympics in Paris. Those members...
Read full storyMayor Of Area 51 Speaks Out On Future Of Planet Earth
As the big day - September 20 - approaches, and millions gather in the Nevada Desert for their 'They Can't Stop Us All' event, there was a surprising announcement, this afternoon, from someone describing himself as the Mayor of Area 51. At exactly...
Read full storyMan Almost Forgot Sister's Birthday
A man with a shitload of things on his mind has revealed how he was so badly distracted by them, that he very nearly forgot what should have been a very important date in his calendar - his sister's birthday. Moys Kenwood knew, instinctively, that...
Read full storyAmiable New Yorker Effectively Uses Passive Voice to Abdicate Responsibility
"Something should probably be done about ---" is a remark amiably savvy Damien Clay of New York City has been heard to make in regard to everything from dishes in the sink to political unrest - the main point being, of course, that whatever it is to...
Read full storyCanadian Prime Minister Trudeau Dons Blackface, Late Father Growls "Fuddle-Dummy!"
A week into the latest Canadian federal election, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been outed by a photo showing him dressed as Aladdin, but his face and hands painted in blackface. Ignoring the fact that Aladdin isn't even a black man, or the...
Read full storyHarry Maguire With His Champions League Round-up
Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire drops in to help out with the details of the Champions League matches on a busy night in Europe. It was a busy night of European football last night, with many of the top teams involved...
Read full storyLocal Administrator Touts School Security: “Tanks, RPGs, and Nuclear-tipped Submarines Don’t have a Chance Against Our Elementary Schools”
Parents can sleep easy tonight. Local administrator Mike Curswads reassured government officials, reporters, and anyone who had a day off, that all students will get through the school year unscathed by small arms fire or explosive devices. He cou...
Read full story