Amiable New Yorker Effectively Uses Passive Voice to Abdicate Responsibility

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 19 September 2019

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Laying blame on anyone - most especially himself - is a waste of time, says Damien Clay.

"Something should probably be done about ---" is a remark amiably savvy Damien Clay of New York City has been heard to make in regard to everything from dishes in the sink to political unrest - the main point being, of course, that whatever it is to be done, it is to be done by anyone other than Clay himself.

"I try not to point the finger at anyone," said Clay. "Blame is a waste of everyone's time."

In that regard, Clay has been known to let girlfriends know that some infidelity had possibly been engaged in, an error happened to have been made in calculating the cost of an over-budget vacation, or a birthday had been erroneously  forgotten due to an oversight. The "by whom" is a detail generally considered - by Clay - to be irrelevant.

"I'm solution-focused," said Clay. "Causes and conditions are just distractions from the real issues. The important thing is for the matter at hand to be addressed."

Clay's approach has born him a great deal of success in maintaining cordial relations with most of his exes. His ex-wife Cora Freeman, who learned that Clay had had multiple affairs during the course of their three-year marriage, put it this way. "Some very hurtful things were said and some grave wrongs committed, but nothing felt personal. Forgiveness was the way for us all to move on."

And for Clay himself, the future looks extremely bright. "Doors are being opened and amazing things are on the verge of being accomplished," he said. "Something just needs to be done to get that ball rolling, which is expected to happen any day now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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