Are You Psychotic? Answer this questionnaire and find out, you crazy bastard.

Written by SamIAm

Thursday, 19 September 2019

image for Are You Psychotic? Answer this questionnaire and find out, you crazy bastard.
Doctor Ronald Thompson, creator of the Psychosis Questionnaire.

By Dr. Ronald Thompson

Are you psychotic? Sure, we all wonder that. In my practice, patients have asked me that question numerous times, and I always give them the same answer: Probably.

But I needed more than that to actually prove that someone is psychotic. Therefore, I've developed a questionnaire for this purpose and, in my research, I came to a surprising conclusion:

We are all batshit crazy.

Answer the following questions honestly. At the end, tally up your score to see your level of psychosis..


Dr. Thompson's Psychosis Questionnaire

If you . . .

1) Have ever been chewing gum or candy, bit the inside of your mouth and jerked your head back in an attempt to pull your face away from your own teeth . . .

2) Have ever looked up the word "dictionary" in the dictionary . . .

3) Have ever been playing Nintendo and jerked the game paddle to the right to make Mario jump farther . . .

4) Have ever treated someone like shit because you lost an argument with them in your own head the night before . . .

5) Keep seeing happy, little demonic faces in Bob Ross paintings . . .

6) Have ever walked through the automatic doors at Wal Mart and made a hand gesture because you were pretending to open them with your Jedi powers . . .

7) Punched someone in the face because they called you a violent person . . .

8) Have ever ridden in a car with a first-time teenage driver and, within two blocks, started pumping that invisible brake . . .

9) Have ever sat on your toilet pretending to be interviewed by the long-retired David Letterman.

10) Are a writer.


Psychotic Measuring Chart

Add up the number of times you answered "yes" and compare it with the chart below.

0 - You're a damn liar
1-3 - This is pretty normal, which means you're probably not very much fun to be around.
4-6 - A functional psychotic. People lock their doors when you walk past their car.
7 or more - You're one crazy sonofabitch. Welcome!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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