Harry Maguire To Join Maharishi Mahesh Yogi To Save World From Monkey Woods
BILLINGSGATE POST: Intrigued by the techniques of Transcendental Meditation, Harry Maguire visited the Maharishi’s training camp in Rishikesh, India during a break in competition after Manchester United was ignominiously tied 1-1 by second tier Sout...
Read full storyMan Fell Off Bus
News is just reaching us about an incident in the Thai capital of Bangkok, where a man alighting from an air-conditioned public transport bus came a cropper, and not so much 'got off' it, as 'fell off it'. The man, who may never be identified, was...
Read full storyLie To Me
Sitting, standing and ducking PM Boris Johnson has sensationally denied lying to the Queen over his reasons for suspending Parliament. Boris said: "In my life, I have lied to everyone I have ever met. I lie to my mum. I lie to my dad. I lie to my...
Read full storyNashville Man Unsuccessfully Tries to Gentrify Himself
Witnessing the sharp appreciation of real estate in his formerly sketchy East Nashville neighborhood, Ward Paisley attempted to put the process of gentrification to work for himself, but with little success. "I encountered a lot of local resistanc...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch
Manchester United's Harry Maguire has caused a panic after announcing that he would play Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City, at Old Trafford, wearing with no underpants. His words prompted members of his female fanclub to res...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Commemorative Stamp To Be Issued By Royal Mail
Royal Mail have announced that, due to the extraordinary public interest in the Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, they are to issue a special commemorative stamp featuring the player, with a postage rate value of 80p.
Read full storyDonald Trump Releases His Highlight Reel and Requires all His Followers to Buy it and Watch it Daily
A new object in every Republican's DVD player will be the President's new highlight reel, released in a huge ceremony on Thursday. President Trump is explaining to his followers that if they don't buy the DVD, then they are just aiding the enemy.
Read full storyEmbroids to solve world’s problems
Hellsinky - Corporations are lining up to purchase cheap embroids, according to Consumer Died magazine. Joe Sixpack is even ordering them. An embroid is a stem cell tricked into becoming a zombie phantom embryo; a teeny tiny little baby. This...
Read full storyTrump Has Deployed Troops To Hotels and Golf Courses All Over the World in Latest Emergency
Mir-A-Lago, FL President Trump announced in a tweet early Thursday morning that he would be deploying troops to various spots around the world due to a top-secret emergency. Some of the locations include Mumbai, India, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, M...
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