Sitting, standing and ducking PM Boris Johnson has sensationally denied lying to the Queen over his reasons for suspending Parliament. Boris said:
"In my life, I have lied to everyone I have ever met. I lie to my mum. I lie to my dad. I lie to my brother. I lie to voters. I lie to doctors. I lie to firemen. I lie to my wife. I lie to my mistresses. I lie to my dog. I lie to myself. But to suggest that I may have, in fact, lied to our Queen, is a statement so preposterous, I don’t know how to respond."
Johnson sounded the rallying cry while standing in a multi-storey carpark in Worchester going on to add:
"I don’t know why everyone gets so upset about a few fibs anyway. I always say sorry after I get caught out, and that makes everything better, right?"
Tony Philipbee, of the Norwich Brexit Alliance Group, said:
"The good patriotic British people don’t care anymore if Boris is lying or not. We had a referendum, and I steadfastly believe in democracy, so he needs to do everything in his power, even if it’s undemocratic to get us out of the filthy stinking EU."
When we pointed out that, if Johnson was lying about most things, could he not have been lying about the benefits of leaving the European Union?
This sent Tony into an apoplectic rage where blood began to run from between his teeth:
"I knew exactly what I was voting for! I didn’t vote for any benefits or improvements in our lives, and neither did any Brexiteer I know. We want it to be a struggle, so we can say to our grandkids “you lot have it so easy”."
Johnson is clearly confused by the nation's stance on his lying. After all, there are dozens of things people don’t know he’s lying about, and they're not complaining about them.