"An end to poverty!" Ed Balls
Ed Balls announced an end to poverty in the UK if Labour win the next election. "The Tories are always droning on and on about Labour mismanaging the economy and being responsible for the recession; O.K. it's true but it's boring. They may have b...
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Six Months In and Relationship Not Really Working Out the Way Expected Admits Tybee Island Man
Six months into their relationship Kevin MacDonald of Tybee Island is beginning to think that Sonia Middlemass may not have been the catch he had initially hoped he thought she would be. In fact he is now regretting ever starting a relationship wi...
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The Federal Govenment Issues A Warning To Smokers Who Smoke Those 12-Inch Cigars
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After consulting with several doctors who treat smokers, the US government has issued a warning regarding cigars. The warning actually is addressed to those men and in some rare instances women, who smoke those 12-inch cigars su...
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Silicon Valley Ready to Replace Soldiers, Police With Robots
It may be hard to argue with someone giving you a ticket for speeding or DUI or talking on a cellphone while driving when you are arguing with a machine. That's what may be what happens in the near future as Silicon Valley has already built protot...
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Mexican Earthquake Killed By Drug Cartel
A powerful magnitude-7.2 earthquake that shook central and southern Mexico on Friday was abducted by one of the country's most dangerous drug cartels, then tortured and disemboweled, with its epicenter ending up in the swimming pool of an Acapulco ar...
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Ship Nearly Capsizes while passing Nudist Colony!
The Tophat Circus Cruise Company has announced that although it was a close call, one of it's ships almost capsized. Luckily no one was hurt because at least 17 male passengers hurled themselves overboard. It seems the ship was a little too close...
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Peru's 17th Andes Artillery Regiment Is Headed To Aid The Ukraine
LIMA, Peru - The Peruvian government has just informed the press that their pride and joy the 17th Andes Artillery Regiment will be landing in the Ukraine to help them in their confrontation with the Russian military. A spokesperson for the Peruvi...
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Famed Explorer to Search for Missing Flight MH 370
Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak has announced that he has called on retired gentleman explorer Victor Nicholas to discover the remains of flight MH 370. "We owe it to the families of the victims of this tragedy to use all means to search and...
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Asian Nations Gather To Discuss All Of Them Looking The Same To Westerners
Bangkok - Representatives from 15 nations in Asia are gathering in Bangkok, Thailand this week to discuss the fact that all of them look alike to most people from the West. Although the problem is not one that affects each nation locally on a daily b...
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Norway Tells Russia They Are Putting A Stop To The Sardine Shipments
OSLO, Norway - The Norwegian government has stated that they will no longer be sending sardines to Russia. The decision was made due to the fact that Russian leader Vladimir Putin is not backing off of his aggression against the Ukraine. Norway...
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Master tour for war art across the globe planned to include Syria, Ukraine, and Iran, guarded by sundry military units
Inspired by President George W. Bush's recent entry into the world of art, a new tour is being launched to inform and charm the globe on current and developing wars. Chancellor Angela Merkel offers a large self-portrait, with her left hand holding...
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Christians Reenact Crucifixion In Tybee Island
As Christians in the Holy Land are commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in Good Friday prayers and processions through Jerusalem's Old City, tiny Tybee Island, on the East Coast of Georgia is also carrying out its own reenactment. As tho...
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Tybee Island Cops Praised For Misconduct
The Georgia Bureau of Investigation has praised two Tybee Island police officers for their misconduct and corruption. The bureau had opened a preliminary investigation into Sgt. "P" and Cpl. "H" in early February after both officers were singled...
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Dyson Flown Out To Advise on Cyclone Threats to Phillipines
Sir Brian "Bagless" Dyson was watching cyclones outside his window whlle vacuuming his house when he realised a high grade cyclone was losing suction. A weather forecaster by training, Dyson went to work re - inventing meteorological technology to f...
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Doctor: Gov. Christie Healthier But Still A Bastard
A recent medical report from the family physician of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie indicates the healthier GOP presidential candidate is still "big boned ... really big boned" but now likely wouldn't doze off after a big meal at diplomatic functions...
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David Cameron : Doing God
David Cameron has come up with an election winner - God. Struggling to make headway in the Opinion Pool Cameron's advisers have come up with an awe inspiring tactic. Doing God will win over the doubting Thomases and all the unmarried mothers. In a...
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UFO Sightings Up, Fat People Disappearing.
Professor Montgomery of a Think Tank located in West Virginia rural area say that they have become alarmed at the both the sightings of UFOs in the sky and a growing list of missing fat people. "We now believe that the connection is that whoever i...
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Tybee Island Beefs Up Security To Ruin "Orange Crush"
The city of Tybee Island's Secret Intelligence Unit has learned via social media that Orange Crush will likely be taking place on April 19. (It was a tweet). Tybee staff and police want to communicate exactly what steps are being taken as a city to...
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NASA Retracts Warning Of Imminent Cataclysmic Asteroid Impact With Earth
Washington D.C. - The United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, NASA, has retracted the warning it issued yesterday regarding a huge asteroid's imminent impact with Earth, which would have led to cataclysmic devastation of the ent...
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US Government: Your Children are Terrorists
Washington DC (STT News) - White House Homeland InSecurity adviser for counterterrorism, Lisa Monaco, issued an official statement warning that parents should beware of, "... sudden personality changes in their children at home." She went on to add,...
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Gordon Ramsay To Serve Penguin Burgers And Panda Pizzas At New Tybee Island Restaraunt
Gordon Ramsay, it seems, upsets somebody nearly every day of the week. This time the foul mouthed Scot from England has angered animal lovers by announcing several new menu items at his Michelin starred restaurants - some featuring penguin meat! C...
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Man "Forrest Gumps" his way across England
Thirty three year old lunch truck proprietor Robert Hensley is jogging his way across Britain. He has been on the road for ten weeks now and has almost clocked up an impressive five hundred miles. The runner from Poole in England's South is...
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Bearded Men Ban From Children's Play Areas Justified Claims Tybee Island Mayor
A ban on all males sporting beards entering areas designated for children came into effect midnight yesterday in the small, rather backward town of Tybee Island near Savannah, Georgia. The law, passed by Mayor Itakei Bribes is aimed to deter chil...
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Burgled Tybee Man Calls Police and Orders Pizza - Pizza Arrives First
Police in Georgia have apologized to a Tybee Island man after they took over 2 hours to respond to a 911 call after the victim returned home from work to find his home had been burgled. Simon Brown claims that while he was waiting for police to ar...
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OMG, scan reveals Chelsea Clinton's baby is a...Republican!
New York - Someone has hacked into the New York Ultrasound Clinic and posted pics of Chelsea's baby with a port wine birth mark on its head that reads Chris Christie 2016! Of course there is absolutely no suggestion at this stage that the Governo...
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Chinese Player Performs Miracle on FIFA 14
Li Win Don, a Chinese teenager living in China has become the first player to unlock the secret code on FIFA 14 after he scored with both Ameobi brothers in the same match. The miracle feat occurred at 14:30 GMT last Wednesday, to which EA Sports...
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Osborne - I Have Created "Ministry of Ticket Touting" to Cash in on F.A. Cup Ticket Fiasco
The newly created Ministry of Ticket Touting is to make £50 million for the treasury by posting Civil Servant touts around Wembley on Cup Final days. The surprise lack of sufficient tickets for either side in the match has resulted in a frenzy of...
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Rosie O'Donnell Drops A Whopping 51 Pounds!
MANHATTAN - Family and friends of comedian Rosie O'Donnell hardly recognize her now that she has lost 51 pounds. O'Donnell talked with Ashburn Wasabi of The Right Coast Revue at a Vicious Guppy Seafood Diner. When asked what her secret was she...
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Bill and Hillary Clinton To Become Grandparents
NEW YORK CITY - Bill and Hillary Clinton are proud to announce that their daughter Chelsea is expecting. Chelsea who is married to Marc Mezvinsky told her parents in a text message that pretty soon there will be one more Democrat in the USA. A...
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A White House Source Says Michelle Obama Dislikes Helle Thorning-Schmidt Even More Than Hillary Clinton Disliked Monica Lewinsky
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House staff has all been told by White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax not to mention the name of the Danish prime minister in the presence of the first lady, Michelle Obama. Colfax stated that Mrs. Obama sees red whe...
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Harry Connick Jr. Says If He Wasn't Married He Would Take Jennifer Lopez Away From Casper Smart In A New York Minute
HOLLYWOOD - Harry Connick Jr. talked with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and told her that he is having a great time being a judge on this season's edition of American Idol. He noted that he loves the heck out of getting to sit next to t...
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Shakira Performs at The Voodoo Arena In New Orleans and She Breaks A Record
NEW ORLEANS - The Colombian Bombshell, Shakira performed at the Voodoo Arena in New Orleans and the audience went crazy. The belly dancing singer holds the record for gyrating her hips at 124 miles per hour, but she has just topped that record in...
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A 78-Year-Old Iowa Grandmother Caught With 14 Pounds of Marijuana In Her Bra
WATERLOO, Iowa - Law enforcement officers in Waterloo report making one of the most unusual busts in history. Waterloo Police Department spokesperson Sherlock Stallgarden informed the news media that officers searched 78-year-old Olivia Eunice Fan...
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Phone company releases phone that you can install in your dead cat
Using cute animals in advertising is nothing new and is something that phone companies have been exploiting for a long time. The little known Russian telephone manufacturer "Khorosho" has taken it one step further. "We have released phone tha...
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Telephone companies sucker consumers by using cute animals in their commercials
Meercats, baby lions, baby tigers, kittens and puppies. That is the top five list of animals that telecommunications companies are shoving down consumers' throats in order to move more of their product. "What do they animals have in common wit...
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Militant Atheists to Celebrate Easter
The Atheist Society of Great Britain today announced that it will be organising street parties nationwide throughout the Easter period. Atheist Society spokesperson B.L. Zebub explained why to the alcohol sodden Church of England press corps. "Wel...
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Chelsea Clinton Pregnant With the anti-Christ
Chelsea Clinton, the 34-year-old daughter of former wife cheater President Clinton and ex-Secretary of State and forgiving wife Hillary Rodham Clinton, announced Thursday that she and her husband, Marc Mezvinsky, are expecting the anti-Christ. Th...
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