Written by D P Whitehead

Friday, 18 April 2014

image for Bearded Men Ban From Children's Play Areas Justified Claims Tybee Island Mayor
Tybee Island, Georgia - Home of a Lot of Wankers

A ban on all males sporting beards entering areas designated for children came into effect midnight yesterday in the small, rather backward town of Tybee Island near Savannah, Georgia.

The law, passed by Mayor Itakei Bribes is aimed to deter child molesters and pedophiles from congregating in places where children gather. The ban extends not only to playgrounds but to school premises, private businesses aimed at children such as entertainment complexes and fast food restaurants that house soft play areas.

Mayor I takei Bribes introduced the law and passed the bill banning men with an abundance of facial hair from these areas after he insisted that most "perverts have beards - ban the beards and we scare away the kiddie fiddlers".

So far the ban has seen no reduction nor increase in reports of child abuse in the small town where last year police reported no cases of any child molestation.

The Mayor's ban comes hot on the heels of last June's ban on African American's from being able to roam unsupervised in the evening after the hours of 8 pm. That ban was introduced, by the Chief of Police and Mayor, to cut down on incidents of street crime and mugging, of which there was one reported case in the last three years, and that attributed to a visiting Dutch man.

In 2009 the town also introduced a law to protect stray cats, forcing the closure of the town's only Chinese restaurant. That ban came shortly after the Tybee Mayor insisted that all handicapped people, anyone suffering from a mental illness and other "spastics" be relocated from the town in an effort to increase property values.

Dwarfs were banned from entering the town limits in 2007 to reduce the risk of ankle biting and lesbian and gays were shown the door in 2006 after a ban was enforced to prevent the spread of AIDS and "too much pink".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: parody, Tybee Island

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