US Government: Your Children are Terrorists

Written by Frank Michaels

Friday, 18 April 2014

image for US Government: Your Children are Terrorists
Yes, she could be a terrorist, according to the US Government.

Washington DC (STT News) - White House Homeland InSecurity adviser for counterterrorism, Lisa Monaco, issued an official statement warning that parents should beware of, "... sudden personality changes in their children at home." She went on to add, "For the most part, they're not related directly to plotting attacks. They're more subtle. For instance, parents might see sudden personality changes in their children at home-becoming confrontational."

For thousands and thousands of years, parents have always viewed such behavior as being natural parts of growing up. Adolescent patterns of grumpiness that then evolve into cranky, stubborn, teenage strides for personal independence, were simply expected.

As amazing as it seems, the US Government now views these childhood behavior patterns as being potentially criminally terroristic in nature. Parents are being advised to immediately report these events to the Department of Homeland InSecurity for immediate action.

When asked to detail some of the behaviors more specifically, items listed were, refusing to clean one's room, listening to music too loudly, asking to borrow the car keys on Saturday evenings, wishing to dye their hair to a color most closely matching a box of crayons that have been melted into a single puddle and acting embarrassed in public when with their parents.

While no official decision has yet been made from the Obama White House, it is presumed to be a near certainty that a new alphabet soup agency will be created for the sole purpose of assaulting, tackling, tasering, beating and arresting children who are reported by parents, who will then be detained at an undisclosed location for a nonspecified period of time.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more