Sir Alex Ferguson To Quit At Man Utd
It's the news that many opponents have been longing for, for years now, and sources are suggesting to Skoob Sports News that Sir Alex Ferguson is all set to call it a day. Usually, Sir Alex plays managerial mind games par excellence, is tactically...
Read full storyWayne Rooney High Priestess of Voodoo Almost Got Prediction Right
The High Priestess of Voodoo has claimed a victory with her predictions for the Champions League Final. Her original prediction was based on a ritual she carried out with chicken bones and vegetables and Pearl Barley. She stirred the pot of chi...
Read full storySensation As Messi Hangs Up His Boots
The world of football is in a state of shock with the news that Argentinian superstar Lionel Messi has quit the game. Just minutes after helping Barcelona to win the Champions League final against Sir Alex Ferguson's Man Utd, the 23 year old maest...
Read full story21st Century Schizoid Britain's Got Talent
Last night's edition of 21st Century Schizoid Britain's Got Talent was definitely the best yet. Judges Pol Pot, Richard Nixon and Bono were simply knocked out by the array of talent on show at the Stevenage Unspecified Meat Products Abbatoir. P...
Read full storyNorthern Ireland Government to import dried water
The government of Northern Ireland is to overcome the water shortages by importing sachets of dried water from Russia. The dried water was developed by the Russians in 1986,to overcome a lack of drinking water in an area the size of Wales,followin...
Read full storyChristians Accuse Muslim Convert Of Cheating At Golf: Part 2 Of A Series
One day after Dr. B converted to Islam he was accused of cheating while playing golf with his "Christian" golf partners. As you know, all practicing Muslims must kneel down five times a day facing Mecca and pray. By extraordinary coincidence, each of the five times Dr. Billingsgate knelt down his ball was either in the rough or under a tree branch that impeded his swing. By the time he had ren...
Read full storyBarack Obanana - newest member of Muppets
Barack Obanana is the newest Muppet to join the Muppet family. He previously served as an extra on 'Barney' shows and also worked as an extra on Froot o' The Loom commercials. A native of Honolulu, Hawaii, Barack Obanana is a graduate of the...
Read full storyTears For Torquay As Stevenage Promoted To League One
Old Trafford, Manchester - Stevenage Borough today triumphed in the League Two play off final against Torquay United courtesy of a one-nil victory, leaving the Torquay United fans in tears on the Stretford End. In the real match of the day, played...
Read full storyWayne Rooney To Score Winning Goal Says High Priestess of Voodoo
The High Priestess of the Manchester Branch of The Voodoo Church has said that Manchester United are going to win their championship match tonight. She knows this because she had a premonition whilst carrying out a secret voodoo ritual last week.
Read full storyOprah To Become World Ambassador Of Hugs
Chat show host Oprah Winfrey is set to launch a new career in the diplomatic service as the first ever World Ambassador of Hugs. United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki Moon made the announcement to the world's press ; "The executive board of t...
Read full storySuicide Tourism To Continue in Switzerland
Despite a national campaign to reign back on "suicide tourism", Swiss voters have resisted calls to prohibit assisted suicide for non residents. And the Swiss government is unveiling plans to make things easier for individuals considering travelli...
Read full storyAmazon Jungle Tribe Has No Concept Of Time
Researchers have reported that the Amondawa tribe, who were first discovered in the depths of the Amazon rainforest in 1986, have no notion of time as an abstract concept. Chris Sinha, Professor of Psychology of Language at the University of Ports...
Read full storyUK Uncut attacks Banks
Members of UK Uncut took direct action today against Banks held responsible for creating the economic disaster that has led to austerity measures, including the planned privatisation of the Health Service. A Banker, who did not want to be named, c...
Read full storyFuture News: NHS, Education Only Things Left Nationalised
(Published 2028) BIRMINGHAM CAPITALIS - The new government - only a week old - has decided to privatise everything, except education and health. The Conglomeracy Party - a party by transnationals, for transnationals - achieved a near 2:1 win over...
Read full storyMan. United 'player' is to appear on an upcoming episode of Dr. Phil
It has been reported that a Man. U. player has agreed to appear on an upcoming episode of Dr. Phil but has asked not to be named. He has also requested to appear in silhouette and have his voice disguised. The title of the show will be 'Infidelity...
Read full storyPark to run Messi off the park
South Korean Ji-Sung Park is being tipped to do a job on Lionel Messi at Wembley tonight. Expert Telly Venables sees Park as the man to muzzle Messi: "The Korean will be snapping at Messi's heels from the first whistle. It will be dog eat dog"...
Read full storyTour De France For Yorkshire?
News that Yorkshire is to bid to host the opening stages of the 2016 Tour De France has met with mixed feelings among Yorkshiremen. The race's first two days are held in a new location outside France every two years and tourist body, Welcome To Yo...
Read full storyThe Whole World Will Be Watching Manchester United vs Barcelona In The Champions League Final at Wembley Stadium
LONDON - The much anticipated Champions League Final game between Manchester United and Barcelona will be watched by billions of football fans throughout the entire civilized world. Reports are that the tiny African country of British Bamboobanda...
Read full storyDid Alex Ferguson Barbeque a Meerkat?
Alex Ferguson has been sensationally accused today of serving up Barbecued Meerkat to guests at a Pre-Championship party at his Manchester home. This news has come as a total shock to another creature called Alex. Yes, Alexandr Meerkat got so sh...
Read full storyLove Rat Manchester United Football Player Dropped By Meerkat Sponsors
The company behind a successful advertising campaign has discontinued a sponsorship deal worth millions of pound with a prominent Manchester United player. The deal was believed to have been made with the United player at a time when his image, on...
Read full storyFootball scandal grows as Man Utd WAGs reveal bedroom secrets
It had to happen one day, Manchester United's WAGs found a way to earn extra spending money by selling some of their 'bedroom secrets' to a reporter. Players' names weren't mentioned for obvious reasons, but the players in question will recognize...
Read full storyLithuanian white water rafter to cross Atlantic on prize-winning sex doll!
Vilnius - "So long as sharks don't bite off the nipples from my prizewinning doll Vaida I'm confident of breaking the world record!" Liudas Pestininkas told reporters this weekend. The champion of the National Men's Day water race - where contende...
Read full storyBritain to stop dropping cabbages on Tripoli and start using bombs
The Ministry of Defence has announced that British fighter planes will step up their bombing campaign against Libya by switching from cabbages to bombs. The announcement comes weeks after the military campaign to stop the Libyan Government's attac...
Read full storyEU gravy train rides on
Today, I had the privilege of riding with the privileged on the EU's own parliamentary train. The train runs from Strasbourg to Brussels twice a week, and despite these times of austerity, it is full of Euro-bureaucrats stuffing their faces to relieve the stress of the impossible job of running Europe. Due to environmental regulations, the train is not permitted to run on diesel. Instead it run...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Selena Gomez Vacationing In Hawaii And Necking On The Beach Like There's No Tomorrow
HONOLULU - The Pacific Ocean waves were cascading onto the scenic beach as the Hawaiian evening breeze blew ever so gently causing the majestic palm trees to sway in the flaming crimson Polynesian sky. And laying out on an isolated portion of the beach were heartthrob sensations Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez. The two had rubbed suntan lotion on each other and were oblivious to t...
Read full storyCuts protests cut
The protest group UK Uncut have shifted their focus recently from being anti-circumcision to being against government spending cuts. A number of them have gathered in central London today to hold another protest. Today's gathering was defiant aga...
Read full storyBig Stink In Mugabe Regime
A terrifying and ferocious assault on Robert Mugabe's toilet has led to an army officer being jailed in Zimbabwe. The country's leader is known to be a jealous man and he has never been one to share his loo. One officer in the Zimbabwe military he...
Read full storyGigi Goyette Says She Also Played 'Hide The Salami' With Arnold Schwarzenegger But Has No Love Child To Prove It
CUCAMONGA - Gigi Goyette says she is tired of hearing all of the entertainment media talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid and their love child. She said that she and the man she refers to as the 'Peckernator' spent quite a bit of nights and day...
Read full storyScientists studying new addictions - reality show addicts causing the breakdown of family life as we know it
Scientists have been conducting studies on people who watch reality shows on t.v. and how their lives differ from those who DO not watch these reality shows. It has been discovered that people who do NOT watch reality shows are, indeed, living in...
Read full storyFeds Regret Issuing Mock "Zombie Attack" Alert
Washington,D.C.-Just weeks after issuing a mock "Zombie Attack" alert the Department of Homeland Security has issued a real alert stating that an all out zombie attack is imminent. The official bulletin states: This is not a drill nor a mock ex...
Read full storyFC Barcelona will keep their superstitions for the euro final
All sports persons have some sort of strategy (some call superstitions) they use in the world of sports Psychology on the build-up to their specific event. These rituals are certain behaviours an athlete performs with belief that these habits have...
Read full storyNew football rules for the 2011-2012 season-Ronaldo's style is being encouraged
Football managers and coaches have been holding special meetings in which they are discussing how to get more fans to attend 'matches' - especially those teams who are at the bottom of the EPL table. One suggestion is that they really DO need all games to be entertaining for the fans. The fans deserve value for money and it doesn't always come in the form of goals, wins etc. In Canada and A...
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