Foolish Citizens Fear Nuclear Power
In spite of reassurances that nuclear plants are completely safe, some panicky citizens continue to fear nuclear disaster. As talk show host Rush Limbaugh put it on his radio program, "Barack Obama showed what a wuss he is by ordering a Federal R...
Read full storyCharity Shop in Star Wars cock-up
A UK based charity shop has lost out on a fortune after it mistook a Star Wars relic for a tramp's blanket. The item in question was Obi Wan Kenobi's cloak, as worn by Alec Guinness in the Star Wars original film in 1977. The employee in char...
Read full storyPolice In Malaysia Uncover A Huge 700,000 Counterfeit Condoms Ring
KUALA LUMPUR - Malaysian authorities have uncovered one of the largest counterfeit condoms rings in recent history. Selangor "Corky" Melaremku, deputy director of Malaysia's Department of Prophylactics has issued a statement stating that undercove...
Read full storyThe Unforgiving Usurer
Based on the continued likelihood of QE3, the following is a satire based on Matthew 18:23-23 Once upon a time, a certain king in a land of ease wished to settle accounts. Usurers who owed billions were brought to him. The Usurers had bribed the gullible into burdensome loans they knew the debtors could not repay. Floundering beneath the loans, the debtors scoured nickels and dimes to pay wha...
Read full storyLatest Roger Hargreaves Books Rejected By The Publishers
Roger Hargreaves has learned that his publishers have knocked back the latest two books in his world famous Mr Men and Little Miss series. Little Miss Mr Man and Mr Little Miss have been deemed unsuitable for the children's book market. "It's n...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News: Online Forum Highlights II
OUR WEEKLY SELECTION FROM THE FORUMS AT allwight.web allwight.com-forums>visiting>our towns>what our towns have to offer NO POSTS IN THIS DISCUSSION please register to post on the forums allwight.web-forums>living>looking for island people BERNARDO posted 5 Oct 2010: I have no human to seke but I did see a lovely little marmalade cat last, Eastre at my gait. When I w...
Read full storyEggs v Chicken
Where would we be without eggs? Good question - none of us would have been born were it not for eggs. Ovulation and all that. And chicken...where would we be without chicken? With eggs, you've got fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, omelettes, pickled eggs, cakes, pastries, flans, and all manner of things egg related. It's the same with chicken - roast chicken, fried chicken, chi...
Read full storyWaterboarding Fails To Make Terrorist Chimp Chat: Doesn't Squeal On Bin Laden
Jihad, the simian expatriot from the Orangutan Rehab Center in Sumatra, who was captured while attempting to board a flight from Honolulu to LAX a couple of weeks ago, is now a detainee in the GITMO facility that is presently being used to house dang...
Read full storyFulham boss Al Fayed to erect a life-size statue of Wacko Jacko outside the ground with his nose!
Fulham boss and ex-Harrods boss, Mohamed Al Fayed, has promised his Fulham fans a brand new attraction at the ageing stadium, Craven Cottage. It's a life-size of the very dead ex-super-pop-star and dear friend of Mohamed, Michael Jackson. Also, Wa...
Read full storyLocal Council reveal winner of their public school 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition
The Local Council has revealed the winner of their 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition after a tense judging process that has taken over three days. It came down to the final three candidates - Claire Luxford's creative picture of a man eat...
Read full storyPresident Obama's "Health Care" Program To Be Extended To Include Kenya
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has stated that he, in the interest of re-establishing harmonious relations with the entire continent of Africa after Alaska's former governor Sarah Palin succeeded in offending as many as 96 percent of the inhabita...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Makes An Astounding Revelation and Says That His Gifts From Wife Angelina Jolie Have All Been Homemade
NEW ORLEANS - Brad Pitt is in the city they call the "Big Easy" working on the latest installment of the Indiana Jones series of motion pictures entitled Indiana Jones - The Search For The Alternative Lifestyle. The film is based on the book of th...
Read full storySaturated fat isn't just for Eskimos - it could save your life!
Six foot three inch catwalk model and aspiring weather presenter Thinna Zarake went on the record on primetime TV today to condemn the widely-held conviction that eating saturated fat is always bad for your health. Miss Zarake openly attacked BBC One Show presenters Nick Famous and Alison Shortskirt for their condemnation of the high percentage of saturated fat in the nation's diet. "You t...
Read full storySuicidal people "are more intelligent than we could have ever imagined" say Local Council
The Local County Council have removed the trampoline at the base of Beachy Head after it was revealed it was having little impact on the suicide rates at the popular jumping point. Council bigwig Barry Miller revealed his disappointment in a tell...
Read full storyJordan - "I love your tiger feet"
Jordan has been on a bender with new squeeze Leandro. The glamour model was dressed to kill in killer leopard skin boots and a sexy golden dress. Her and her entourage partied to dawn in a London nightclub. One of her posse was arrested by police for spitting at a camera man. The glamour girl aka Katie Price does not let the grass grow under her feet and has already moved on from Alex Reid a...
Read full storyNew Royal Wedding Mug now has Justin Bieber and Lady Gagger's photos on
The newest Royal Wedding commemorative mug now has photos of Justin Bieber and Lady Gagger's photos on. Yes....LADY GAGGER! When will this madness end? Everyone and their mother-in-law are jumping on the bandwagon hoping to make a quick buck or...
Read full storyCommemorative Weeding Mugs
Chinese firm Goodong Enterprises has anticipated a Royal upheaval. They have produced mugs commemorating the forthcoming marriage of Kate & William, but - perhaps knowing something we don't know - they have pictured Prince Harry with Kate Middlet...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Haley "Lipstick Girl" Reinhart May Be Doing A Lipstick Commercial
HOLLYWOOD - No matter how far Haley Reinhart goes or does not go on this years edition of American Idol, she will now forever be remembered as "Lipstick Girl." During Reinhart's AI performance she choose a song by Whitney "Hmmm" Houston tilted "I'...
Read full storyDefiant Dublin boozers join Queen Elizabeth pub ban
Dublin - "About time she settled her bloody bar tab," disgusted Temple Bar publican John Stokes said today as dozens of defiant Dublin innkeepers joined his ban on the Queen. Stokes was speaking to reporters after being ordered by licensing magist...
Read full storyBrand new TV gameshow will involve Japan's Fukushima reactor
In a nation whose long and idiosyncratic history includes ritual suicide, Kamikaze bombers, and bizarre TV gameshows, the announcement by NHK's Banzai Nagasaki of a brand new "once-only" gameshow which will centre around the Fukushima nuclear power p...
Read full storyAdvertising Firm Pitches Charlie Sheen iPhone-4 Campaign in Japan
Mega international advertising giant, Dewey, Sellum and Haard was reportedly seen in Japan with Charlie Sheen just outside of the Fukushima nuclear power plant filming what appeared to be a commercial for the new iPhone. Insiders on the photo sh...
Read full storyDemi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama Finally Admit That They Have Been Secretly Dating
HOLLYWOOD - Demi Lovato, who spent three months in a rehab clinic, has admitted that the rumor about her and Wilmer Valderrama dating is in fact true. Lovato said that she wanted to hide the fact from her ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas because she was so...
Read full storySimon Cowell To Buy Geiger Counters and Fall Out Paraphernalia
Pop svengali Simon Cowell is said to be very worried about the damage to his health radiation from the Fuchiyama Nuclear Plant could cause if it wafts across on the wind to the United States. Simon is erring on the side of caution and is to have a...
Read full storyKelly Brooks is Pregnant? Yummy Mummy Alert!
Kelly Brook is just announcing that she is pregnant. There had been speculation that she had gained some weight and was looking bustier that usual. The ultimate 'bikini body' celebrity was filmed looking gorgeous in pretty dresses in LA with her...
Read full storyWoman Fails Driving Theory Test 90 Times
A South London woman has failed her driving theory test 90 times at a cost of £2,790. Now, even if she manages to pass the test, no examiner can be found to take her for her practical. The Driving Standards Agency disclosed details of the 26-ye...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus is taken from behind
The singer Miley Cyrus, best know for her song "Billy Ray is my dad", was today humiliated in public on a visit to London when a man in a suit unashamedly took her from behind as she waited in a long queue outside the Nintendo shop. The man, dress...
Read full storyIn An Effort To Cut Down On Injuries, The NFL Is Considering Doing Away With The "Kickoff"
CHICAGO - The National Football League's Safety Governing Council is currently meeting to discuss ways in which to make the game of professional football safer. In the past groundbreaking new rules and regulations have included innovations such as...
Read full storyChicago River Mistakenly Dyed Fluorescent Green for St. Patrick's Day
In a tough economy where the job frequently goes to the lowest bidder, Chicago City officials were caught by surprise when their traditional St. Patrick's celebration took a turn for the terse as the river was seen literally glowing neon green in the...
Read full storyTabak To Write Book About Prison Life
Vincent Tabak is to write a book about his time incarcerated inside HMP Belmarsh. The Dutchman has been so traumatised at his loss of privileges and the petty, humdrum life incarcerated with petty, violent convicted criminals. The Dutchman is shocked to have witnessed the petty violence and pecking order when you are banged up inside. He was shocked to realise that a Cray like gangster figure...
Read full storyFern Cotton Famous For Being A Hot DJ
Fern Cotton is currently on the Chris Moyles marathon Comic Relief vigil. She looks really glamorous with her golden tresses. Chris Moyles is starting to look a bit ragged around the edges after broadcasting live for the previous twenty eight hours. Poor Chirs looks like he could do with a wash and brush up. He is sorely in need of a shave and a change of clothes. Fern Cotton is said to have...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight Goldfish Corner Sock Futures - Markets Panic
Markets around the world are panicking after it emerged that a group of speculators had cornered the world's sock futures. Prices of socks dropped like a stone when the FTSE opened this morning after a late flurry of selling in eastern markets. Wa...
Read full storyTea Party GOP: "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers"
It was a memo that no one expected to be leaked. It was a study by the Republican National Committee, labeled strictly confidential and entitled: Tea Party GOP; The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The memo was leaked by an unknown source to MSNBC. Starting with comments made by Collin Powell regarding the Iraq war, it stated the Pottery Barn principle: "If you break it, you own it!" Its...
Read full storyKaty Perry's Mum Disapproves of Daughter's Life Choices
Katy Perry's mother has hit out against her daughter and has said that she is embarrassed by the song 'I kissed a girl'. Her mother says that it offends her as she disapproves of homosexuality and that the song is promoting lesbianism. Katy's parents are evangelical christians and are friendly with Billy Graham and they have a ministry of saving souls for Jesus. The dark haired pop star gre...
Read full storyKate Middleton Feud With Princess Anne
Kate Middleton has found that she will be marrying into the family from hell. Her prospective aunt-in-law Princess Anne has given Kate the cold shoulder and has refused to meet her. Blue blood Princess Anne does not consider Kate Middleton suitable for marrying into 'the firm'. She has looked down her snooty nose at Kate and does not see what William sees in her. Aunt Anne has painstakingl...
Read full storyJordan Corrupts Justin Bieber
Glamour girl Jordan aka Katie Price has formed an unlikely alliance with Justin Bieber. The busty model has made friends with Bieber and has taken him to Hamleys toy store and has bought his a remote controlled car. Katie Price also took her kid...
Read full storySeb Coe Has Olympic Marathon With Rebecca Adlington
Olympians gathered in London to 'Kick Off' for the official opening of the new web-page which will accept payment for Olympic events by Visa card. The mighty and the good gathered together for the unveiling of the new Olympic Clock which will count...
Read full storyChris Moyles and Comedy Dave Have 30 Hour Comic Relief Vigil
Chris Moyles and sidekick Comedy Dave have been doing a live broadcast for the past day and a half. The object of the broadcast is to raise money for Comic Relief. Said Moyles "Not everyone has a pound to give for Comic Relief, those who can affo...
Read full storyFrench Letters Banned in France
French letters, otherwise known as condoms, have been banned by a Court in Bordeaux near the French town of Condom. This is because the residents of the town object to a descendant of King Louis XIV using their town to promote the condoms. Thes...
Read full storyBones - Gruesomeness "A Step Too Far"
Sky TV bosses were under siege today, fending off complaints about last night's episode of popular forensic drama, Bones. The show included a graphic scene in which accused murderer The Gravedigger's head was blown apart by a bullet from a sniper'...
Read full storyTram Stalemate Talks Progress
The long running dispute between Edinburgh City Council, Transport Scotland and the contractors responsible for the new tram system in the city centre may have moved a step towards a conclusion following a meeting between all interested parties. A...
Read full storyBiggest Ever Disaster Movie On The Way
Warner Brothers U.K. have announced to the world that the biggest ever disaster movie is due to hit the big screens later this year. The publicity material released by Warner Brothers makes exciting reading : You screamed at 'Last Day' in 1999 You thrilled at 'The Day After Tomorrow' in 2004 You were terrified by 'Meltdown: Days of Destruction' in 2006 But you ain't seen...
Read full storyAlternative To Stamps On The Way
Denmark is introducing a Mobile Postage Service that can be used as an alternative to the traditional stamp. Instead of having to put a stamp on a letter or parcel, Danes will be able to text a message to the Post Office and they will receive a co...
Read full storyChampions League Tickets On Sale for Old Firm Fans
Old Firm fans can now reserve tickets for the next 5 seasons' Champions League and Europa League campaigns, even though only one of the clubs will qualify for the main tournament. Because Scotland's co-efficient ranking in European football has fa...
Read full storyMore Bad News For Japan
First there was the earthquake, next came the tsunami, and then the horror of the radiation leak. This last week has been one of the worst in Japan's history as a series of natural disasters has caused widespread devastation in the North East of t...
Read full storyToyota, Nissan, and Honda All Put Gilbert Gottfried and 50 Cent On Their "Do Not Sell To" List
SAN FRANCISCO - Spokespersons for the three giant Japanese auto makers Toyota, Nissan, and Honda have all announced that they have circulated memorandums to each other stating that they have made entries to their individual data bases regarding two A...
Read full story"The Bachelor" Brad Womack And Christina Aguilera Caught 'Tongue Wrestling' In Tarzana
TARZANA, California - Brad Womack the man on this season's edition of The Bachelor, was embarrassed before a viewing audience of 30 million when the woman he picked to propose to ended up telling him on live television that although she kind of liked...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Calls Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker And Says "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!"
PHOENIX - The governor of Arizona, Jan Brewer has called up the governor of Wisconsin and said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." The message was in reference to Governor Scott Walker disregarding his state's union workers including teachers, pol...
Read full storyiPad 2 Shortage Explained; Many Too Wild to be Sold!
No wonder there aren't enough iPad 2s to go around. An unnamed Apple official, who has spoken to the press on the condition of anonymity, admits what had only been a rumor: that many of the new iPads are disgracing the company and are in no conditi...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Dropped on His Head at Birth According to Unauthorized Biography
A writer working on the unauthorized biography of conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has released a very important piece of information that may explain the idiotic statements that Limbaugh often makes on his daily radio show. Recent com...
Read full storyCheltenham punter bets £1m the Queen will snuff it on St Patrick's Day
Gloucs - A mixed bet accumulator stands to scoop one lucky punter £1m if the Queen drops dead on St Patrick's Day. Cheltenham racegoer Dave Potts got odds of 25-1 for HM popping her clogs tomorrow after a multiple events wager accumulated £40,000...
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