Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 17 March 2011

image for Cheltenham punter bets £1m the Queen will snuff it on St Patrick's Day
A cool £1m if Old Fatty Mountbatten kicks the bucket tomorrow...

Gloucs - A mixed bet accumulator stands to scoop one lucky punter £1m if the Queen drops dead on St Patrick's Day.

Cheltenham racegoer Dave Potts got odds of 25-1 for HM popping her clogs tomorrow after a multiple events wager accumulated £40,000 in winning bets.

He started last year betting on the Beckhams' pregnancy as a US furor erupted around a porny slut's sordid sex claims about the ex-England captain.

The £100 bet soon grew as his prediction 'that it's going to be a girl for Victoria and David' saw his gamble soar to £1,000.

A punt on December's terrible wintry weather and a White Xmas saw the wager swell to £5,000.

Next 'derisory' even-money odds doubled his winnings with England's win of the Ashes in Australia - and doubled again to a stonking £20,000 when actor Colin Firth got his Oscars gong.

The penultimate punt that brought the accumulated winnings to £40,000 was getting right little Baby Florence Cameron's christening date of the Pisces New Moon on 4th March.

"It's been a hellish rollercoaster ride," Potts told avid reporters at Prestbury Park this afternoon.

"Everything now hangs on HM kicking the bucket before midnight tomorrow.

"Anybody know how those KGB guys manage to do 'natural causes' so effectively?"

Online spreadbetting agents Aintgottaprayer.con say the ,man's a genius but stands to lose the whole lot if the Queen survives yet another St Patrick's Day.

Camilla Fucker-Proles is 147.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
113 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more