Written by mattymc13

Thursday, 17 March 2011

image for Suicidal people "are more intelligent than we could have ever imagined" say Local Council
Ambitious councillor Barry Miller

The Local County Council have removed the trampoline at the base of Beachy Head after it was revealed it was having little impact on the suicide rates at the popular jumping point.

Council bigwig Barry Miller revealed his disappointment in a tell-all interview with the local radio station.

"I sat by the edge of the cliff in a deckchair, and I told any potential jumpers that death here was impossible thanks to innovative measures from our fresh thinking council. And one by one they peered over the edge and gazed at the trampoline. Generally they all then looked at me in confusion, before moving about five yards down the cliff and jumping there instead. Death was instant. It just goes to show they are more intelligent then we could have ever imagined. But it goes go to show the preventative measure did work for that particular area."

Miller also defended the controversial Design an Anti-Suicide sign competition which has been running in schools for the last fortnight.

"I think it's a tremendous idea. It highlights the increasing problem of suicide to children as young as four."

But when asked about the entry from reception child Steve Long, the councillor defended the initiative vehemently.

"Obviously a tissue paper woman slashing her tissue paper wrists with a tissue paper knife in a tissue pater bathtub wasn't what we had in mind. We are looking to create a sign that shows suicide is a terrible thing. Steve's sign made it actually look quite appealing. We probably won't use that sign unless the standard is very poor."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
39 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more