Anger at LeBron James to blame for NBA lockout
New York City - A confidential source close to National Basketball Association Commissioner David Stern reports that anger at LeBron "King" James was the deciding factor in the decision to lock-out the players, endangering the upcoming season. A...
Read full storyQueen's Reaction To Rafael Nadal's Shorts Routine
Wimbledon, England: After viewing the first set of Wimbledon's semi-finals between Rafael Nadal and Andrew Murray, the Queen leaned over to her gentleman in waiting seated to her left and was overheard to inquire: Why did Mr. Nadal repeatedly appeare...
Read full storyTarnish and Varnish
You tarnish your album With that fucking song You tarmac my road But that's nothing wrong You tarnish the mornings With incessant tweeting But your tweeting on Twitter Takes some beating You tarnish my thoughts You tarnish your sequels You tarnish my silver You tarnish your equals You tarnish my varnish And make it vanish You tarnish my rhymes So I have to use mannish You...
Read full storySaif Guddayfee In London Shoot Out
As a cat I am privy to many secrets of the Guddayfee family. They even talk to me and ask my advice on state policy. But how do I know-I am just a cat, but they seem to think I am more than that. Perhaps the Guddayfees are really Ewoks from Return of the Jedi and maybe I am C3PO. Anyway, last week Saif decided to take me on a shopping trip around London. Somehow he managed to land at Heathrow a...
Read full storyHomeless Let Down Government
A leaked letter from the Office of Eric Pickles has announced that Government measures over benefits will leave 40,000 families homeless and will, in the end, cost the Government more than supplying benefits in the first place. David Cameron has c...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Celebrates Her 25th Birthday With A Three-Tiered Birthday Cake In The Shape of A Bottle of Bourbon
VENICE BEACH - Well happy birthday to the poor, troubled, lost, spoiled, little rich girl aka Lindsay Lohan who turned 25 going on 15 on July 2. LiLo, which rhymes with kilo, celebrated her 25th birthday with a bash at her Venice Beach home which...
Read full storyMicrosoft's "House of the future" dogged with problems
Brainchild of Dr David Page, the house of the future would be both family and eco friendly. A super fast computer controlled every aspect of home management from ordering food to replacing used fridge contents, to switching off lights and appliances...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News, Andy Murray may be related to a resident living on the Isle
The Isle of Wight News has reported that little Billy Murray of Newby village claims to be related to top tennis player, Andy Murray. Apparently when little Billy 'Googled' Andy he found they had a lot in common. They are both male and have t...
Read full storyDorking 'Taking Things Apart' Club AGM a Success
A turnout of more than 30 members was reported at the Dorking 'Taking Things Apart' Club AGM, held in the function room of the White Lion last Thursday. Following the traditional raising of glasses to late founding member Paddy O'Ginster, Club President, Reg Dishcloth, opened the proceedings by expressing delight at seeing so many old faces together with many members of the recently formed 'Jun...
Read full storySenate bans summer vacations for all Americans
Washington, DC - "If we Senators have to miss out on our summer vacations, then everyone is going to miss out on their summer vacations." Those angry words came from Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, as he gaveled home a law which prohibits Amer...
Read full storyOstriches Prepare for 2013 Austrian Invasion
Ostriches of Southern Russia led by their leader Kurt launched an IPO in preparation for their attack on Osterreich in August 2013. The Spoof! has managed to see one of the prospectus and it seems clear that the ostriches are new to this sort of thin...
Read full storyEquality watchdog claims Aussies are victims of discrimination
The National Institute for Pointless Comparisons of Assorted Populations (NIPCAP) has released a report comparing the incomes of Australians and Germans living in London. The shocking results show that native German inhabitants of the city earn almos...
Read full storyLocal Man Says He's Going Underground
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today started digging a big hole in his back garden. The excavation is reported to form the first phase of Shuttlecock's plan to: "go underground, like pop/new wave trio, The Jam did, back in 1980. But not on a train or...
Read full storyNadya "Octomom" Suleman Says She Can't Afford Her 14 Kids - Kate Gosselin Tells Her She'll Take Them All
READING, Pennsylvania - Well it appears that Kate Gosselin's reality television show may have to change its name from Kate Plus 8 to Kate Plus 22. Kate "The Great" Gosselin heard about the financial, emotional, physical, and mental problems that N...
Read full storyLingerie model Florence Brudenell-Bruce backing David Haye
Aristocratic boxing fan Florence 'Flee' Brudenell-Bruce is getting ready to rumble. The fit and toned lingerie model, who according to her personal trainer Rupert Bear-Bottom "is in the best shape of her life", will be cheering on David 'The Hayma...
Read full storyAndy Murray explains why he 'lost' at Wimbledon today
Andy Murray was extremely upset when he lost to Nadal and saw his dream slip away. When asked what he thinks happened he, apparently told reporters he had caught a glimpse of Pippa Middleton in the stands and had a hard time concentrating on the g...
Read full storyTrouble Flares In Burnley As Petra Kvitova Beats Maria Sharapova In Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final
Police in full riot gear are struggling to maintain order in Burnley, Lancashire, as fans of Russian tennis star, Maria Sharapova went on the rampage, following their heroine's Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final defeat to Czech, Petra Kvitova. The tro...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Voted Sexiest Armpits at Wimbledon
Wimbledon, which some think is mostly a British event, has come under a barrage of new international scrutiny for by the IAFA, the International Armpit Fetish Association. Ivan Pectoralva, president of the IAFA announced that tennis is the greate...
Read full storySharapova Mania Sweeps Burnley, Lancashire
It's official - Burnley, Lancashire, has come down with a severe case of Sharapove mania. Unemployed wasters in the town - famous for having Britain's cheapest house - have taken to Maria Sharapova, and huddle around TV sets whenever the Russian tenn...
Read full storyPlans to excavate back garden of London house where Jackie O lived in 1970s
London - The Chelsea property's herbaceous borders may hold one of the hexed US presidential family's best kept secrets, crime archivists warned today. The former First Lady fled to London soon after details of her many affairs threatened to bring...
Read full storyMobile hacking probe cops hunt 'Al Qaeda' mole
London - Is a War on Terra double agent the shadowy string-puller behind some of the UK's Red Top snoopers? An attempted break-in at a Met mobile hacking unit caravan bears all the hallmarks of high tech skullduggery police sources warned today.
Read full storyAngry posh e-mail - The daughter-in-law gets her own back
If you haven't already done so please read the previous e-mail by Les Being as the one below is the daughter in laws response. Dear mum, May I call you mum? You had better get used to it as I am going to marry your son, whether you like it or not. Before you start slagging me off with regards to MY suitability as a future daughter in law; how about YOUR suitability as a future mother in...
Read full story"Nothing Remotely Iffy" about that bloke, say Lawyers
Defence Lawyers have moved quickly to point out that the latest information proves there is absolutely nothing to worry about regarding a very well-off and powerful chappy who ran the whole world's finances and wanted to be a President. "Now look...
Read full storyWake up, Jane
Researchers have discovered that baby rats are equipped with a good spatial framework; they can use this innate capability as soon as they leave their nest for the first time. On the other hand, man cannot find a new destination unless he has a sense of location, sense of direction, and sense of distance. However, not all of us have adequate sense of direction. This has got nothing to with...
Read full storyThe Right Wing Boys Ride Out To Lynch The Black Guy
They had waited four long years to get their man. Now was their chance. They had assembled themselves from around the country. Now they were ready to move. They were ready for the lynching. They had tried every underhanded way to bring him down 'legally'. But they hadn't worked. They insulted him to his face. They undermined everything he tried to do. They made vague jokes about his rac...
Read full storyCommercial Television is 70; Today's TVs Reflect on the Good Old Days
Roberta Reporter, on the entertainment beat of a local newspaper, got the surprise of her life last night when she happened to be at an electronics store after closing time. It turned out that the TVs awaiting sale were throwing themselves a big bash to celebrate the 70th birthday of their family. Roberta learned that it was in July of 1941 that commercial television was born. "A different...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: Opera Singing Sensation Cindy Chang Says She Owes Her Amazing Voice To Olive Oil
HOLLYWOOD - This year's version of America's Got Talent is starting to shape up into a singer's competition. So forget about the sick sword swallower's, the silly paint splattered nymphodiva dancer wannabees, and the funky folks who pierce various...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen's Last Goddess Walks Out On Him - Sheen Demands She Return The $100,000 Mercedes-Benz
SHERMAN OAKS - It appears that Charlie "Tiger Blood Boy" Sheen has now ended up Goddessless as his last goddess Natalie Kenly has walked out of his intergalactic life. Sheen who was making $1.8 million per week on the then top rated sit-com Two an...
Read full storyDominique Strauss-Kahn says women always lie about men
In an interview, Dominique Strauss-Kahn revealed that 80 percent of cases where men and women are in conflict with each other, women lie about men to demonstrate they have power. Most women lie about men to make financial gains. The legal battle...
Read full storyRegal Mail Stamps for 2012
What fires your imagination? Famous people, great art, historic events or major anniversaries? They're all here on Regal Mail Special Stamps. In 2012 we're making a number of stamp issues available; each one beautifully capturing the richness and diversity of British heritage and culture. If you want to make sure you receive each of the Special Stamps and their associated products as soon as...
Read full storyKlitschko - "I'll Sit On David Haye!"
Ahead of tonight's world heavyweight title fight in Hamburg's Imtech Arena, Wladimir Klitschko has been talking tactics, claiming that he intends to wrestle David Haye to the canvas and then sit on him for the duration of the 12 round contest. Fol...
Read full storyMcCanns Unlikely To Stand Alongside Katie Price In Sick Joke Rumpus
Gerry and Kate McCann, whose daughter Madeleine was abducted from Praia De Luz, Portugal in 2007, appear highly unlikely to align themselves alongside Katie Price, as the former page three model wages a war against sick jokes. Especially those mad...
Read full story