America's Got Talent: Opera Singing Sensation Cindy Chang Says She Owes Her Amazing Voice To Olive Oil

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for America's Got Talent: Opera Singing Sensation Cindy Chang Says She Owes Her Amazing Voice To Olive Oil
Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., says that he really did not mind washing little itty bitty cars like this one.

HOLLYWOOD - This year's version of America's Got Talent is starting to shape up into a singer's competition.

So forget about the sick sword swallower's, the silly paint splattered nymphodiva dancer wannabees, and the funky folks who pierce various parts of their body with crazy tools, gadgets, thingamajigs, whachamacallits and other pointy objects that they should really not even be allowed within 50 feet of.

The Tinsel Town Times Tribune reports that there are four contestants who could possibly take the $1 million top prize and all four are very talented singers, with no weird outfits, outlandish makeup, or even the slightest hint of any carnival-like type of mystique about them.

LaTuna LaTundra said that she has really been impressed by Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., who sounds exactly like Frank Sinatra. Landau, who washes cars for a living, has the longest dreadlocks in his hometown of Logan, West Virginia.

Another popular contestant is Ryan Andreas, who plays the keyboards and has a kind of pleasantly gravelly voice ala Chris Daughtry. Andreas just needs to remember to speak into the microphone when he is talking to the judges and to not slouch.

The viewers are really impressed with 11-year-old Anna Graceman who also has a great chance of taking it all. She could be this years version of little Jackie Evancho, except that Anna sings her songs in English which the audience really appreciate the heck out of her doing.

But perhaps the one act that has impressed the judges and the viewing public the most is 42-year-old housewife Cindy Chang who was born in Seoul, South Korea to Chinese parents.

Cindy reminds a lot of people of Scotland's Susan Boyle who appeared on Britain's Got Talent.

In fact after Cindy's performance Piers Morgan gave her a standing ovation and he very rarely does that for anyone.

Chang who is a housewife told the America's Got Talent judges that ever since she was a little girl she has always enjoyed singing, but she was quick to add that her parents would tell her to stop singing and pay attention to doing the laundry.

Cindy said that when she was six they caught her singing Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler's "Ballad Of The Green Berets" and immediately took away her Chinese checkers and made her go stand in the China closet.

She said that she kept on singing but very quietly to herself. She especially loved singing the Beatles songs "Norwegian Wood," "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," and "Strawberry Fields Forever."

At the age of seven after hearing her hum the notes to Richard Harris' "MacArthur's Park" her parents took away her brothers toy Chinese fire drill and told her that they were punishing him to get to her.

They finally brought in a Chinese therapist/contortionist who told little Cindy that she really needed to stop wasting her time singing because she had as much of a chance of becoming a successful singer as Captain Kangaroo had of becoming the heavyweight boxing champion of the world.

But hearing that only made little Cindy want to become a singer even more. She began drinking little swigs of olive oil, which she said strengthened her vocal cords and gave her that amazing operatic voice.

She started secretly listening to Barbra Streisand songs on her little transistor radio and she would watch The Ed Sullivan Show when her parents were out shopping for Chinese food.

And now thanks to her perseverance and those hundreds of sips of olive oil Cindy Chang has sung before millions of people who absolutely adore her and she can now look at her parents right in the eye and say, "Nan shi chong jin guang lin hin zhen fu fee fi fo fum" which loosely translated means "Please to kiss my lovely Chinese bottom old folks."

The rumor that Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is pregnant with ex-California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby is absolutely false.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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