Written by rfreed

Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for The Right Wing Boys Ride Out To Lynch The Black Guy

They had waited four long years to get their man.
Now was their chance.
They had assembled themselves from around the country.
Now they were ready to move.
They were ready for the lynching.

They had tried every underhanded way to bring him down 'legally'.
But they hadn't worked.
They insulted him to his face.
They undermined everything he tried to do.
They made vague jokes about his race.
They complained about every decision he made.
They smeared every action he ever did.
Now was the time to really get SERIOUS.

They feared and despised that he was intelligent.
And that he was straightforward.
And that he was a folk hero to the common people.
But most of all they hated and feared that he had THE POWER.
They wanted to have THE POWER.
They felt it was their right and their destiny to have it.
And they would get it from him any way that they had to.

They called him the Kenya Kid.
They knew he was a sharp dealer from Chicago.
But they tried to make him look like a wetback from another country.
They came to town riding high
with a belt full of lead and their hats turned low.

Newt 'the Grinch' led the posse
with an eye keen on revenge.
Jon 'Silencer' Huntsman was out to prove his name
riding shotgun with a 44 too.
Huckabee carried the rope
that wasn't there for skippin'.
'Saint' Santorum took up the rear
with others scattered between.

Desperate men doing desperate deeds
now converged in the midday sun.
'Wild Card' Trump had long dropped out.
He'd blazed his pistol and mouth too early.
Now these men were riding hard
to put the Kenyan beneath the ground.

Newt looked round and saw his sidekick
Romney the Romulan coming fast up to his side.
Romney says "Now don't you think its bad
to have two females trailing too?
That Alaskan bitch is tough enough
but that Bachman's way too schoolmarmish."

Grinch squinted his eye and gave him a look
"Yeah females are only good for two things
but we need all the help we can get.
Women are right if they're good lookin'
and can also do some cookin'.
But their real worth is when they're lyin' down
and not straight up in a saddle."

"We'll keep them around till the actions done
Then maybe they'll come in handy.
For afterwards maybe they'll sooth our needs
should we still feel the need to be randy."

So they set out upon the trail
that would begin in Iowa
and they would not rest until they had their man
with his head mounted up on a wall.

But unbeknownst the two women had a plan of their own
that they confided each to the other.
They too wanted to have his head
in another way than they did
for in truth they'd never done it with a black man
and heard it was the creme de la creme.
Despite all their successes
there was still something missing
A void that needed to be filled
So when they got their man they'd tie him up
and make him use the missionary position.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more