Congress cracks the debt ceiling; crisis triggered when Boehner borrows a twenty from Obama
Washington, DC - The request was innocent enough. Representative John Boehner (R-Ohio) asked president Barack Obama if he could borrow $20 to pay for his lunch in the Congressional cafeteria. But when the president handed over the cash, all hell b...Read full story
'Grow Your Own' Embraced By Trend-Conscious Middle Classes
In recent years, many people have chosen to devote some of their garden space to the growing of food crops. Initially, such amateur production was exclusively directed towards vegetables and fruit. Increasing numbers of hobby gardeners, however, are now experimenting with cereal crops. Since Kate Moss revealed in Hello Magazine that she grew wheat in the garden of her small London home, this...Read full story
Susan Boyle Tells Cindy Chang She Wants Her To Be Her Opening Act On Her Upcoming Trans Asian Concert Tour
BLACKBURN, Scotland - Susan Boyle sat in the garden of her home in Blackburn, West Lothian drinking a glass of tea and having a pomegranate crumpet as she spoke with a reporter for the national news agency. Boyle became famous throughout the world...Read full story
Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Five
My friend Shylock Humes stood before the fireplace in his smoking jacket. I shook my head. "Come away from the fire, Humes", I adjured. "I told you you would catch fire if you stood so close." Before my friend could answer, the doorbell rang. To be more accurate, someone rang it. We did once try a self-ringing doorbell, which I had purchased from an ininerant self-ringing doorbell hawker, but w...Read full story
Mystery Blonde In Alcohol Trafficking Scheme
Residents in a west London suburb were on the lookout today after a mystery blonde was spotted taking part in what has been described as an "alcohol trafficking scheme." Dave Handset, of Wavendon Avenue, Chiswick, was looking forward to a Friday a...Read full story
"Do You Know Who I Am?" Mystery Blonde Screams At Basingstoke Station
There was some confusion today among commuters arriving at Basingstoke Station, as they found themselves confronted by a mystery blonde woman in the ticket hall, acting strangely. The woman, suspected to be the mystery blonde who has recently been...Read full story
Mystery Blonde Spotted In Aldi's At Fareham
Unconfirmed reports are presently indicating that the mysterious mystery blonde woman, last seen walking across a car park at Portsmouth Ferry Port, has just been seen at Aldi's on West Street, in Fareham, Hants. One Aldi customer swore that the w...Read full story
Bunny Mellon a Life Understated
At 100 Bunny Mellon who has always lived a life of wealth and prestige under the radar probably would have never imagined that she would be involved in two scandals making national headlines in 2011 The first involves Ken Starr, financial advisor to the stars, who has embezzled millions of dollars meant for investment. At this time Ms Mellon isn't sure how much of her money is gone. The...Read full story
Letters To The Editor - From Ex News of The World Journalists
Dear Sir, I wonder if you have any positions within your organisation for journalists? I have worked as a senior reporter for the News of The World for the past 12 years TITS! Sorry about that. Anyway, since leaving university, BUMS! Sorry, it's just happened again. It's the training you see. When I was at Wapping, if we didn't put anything eye-catching in we would get a severe dressing down f...Read full story
Mystery Blonde Spotted On Board Cross Channel Ferry
The mystery blonde woman who has been spotted all over the world in the past month, was apparently spotted on board a cross channel ferry, sailing from Cherbourg to Portsmouth last night. Several witnesses reported seeing the blonde woman in the b...Read full story
Astrologers' fury as Daily Star raided
London - "It's all part of the Mayan Calendar prediction that the News of the World will end on Sunday!" gobsmacked Sky-watch sources complained this afternoon. The dawn raid arrest of the Daily Star's royal scatology - er...eschatology - correspo...Read full story
The Reason Why The Top-Rated Sit-Com 'Modern Family' Fired Cute, Little Baby Lily
HOLLYWOOD - In a move that has sent shock waves from Tinsel Town to The Big Apple, Baby Lily the sweet little adopted Vietnamese daughter of the gay couple on the number one hit comedy show Modern Family has been fired. Voodoo Dupree of The West H...Read full story
Man U's Chicharito says that Cheryl Cole is one sexy hot tamale!
Chicharito is allegedly 'eyeing' up Cheryl Cole saying she is one sexy hot tamale. He has, apparently, always 'fancied' older women and although he won't be making any moves on her he says it doesn't stop him from looking. When asked if he'd li...Read full story
Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, both of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, speak out on News of the World hacking scandal
Two young women in Middlesbrough are furious today. Takwana Smith and her 'bezzy mate' Anitakapita Jones have only just heard about the News of the World hacking scandal. "Cheeky buggers," began Takwana, "if A find ou' tha' they've 'acked into my bleeding phone I'll 'ave 'em. A say lots of private things on me mobile, to our lad and to Anitakapita don't A?" "Yeah she does," agreed Anitakap...Read full story
Small Tornado Hits Bognor Regis - Not Much Damage
Details are leaking through that the south coast seaside town of Bognor Regis has been lashed by a small tornado. A sort of mini-tornado, according to accounts, and although there was some damage to property, it appears that the damage was limited, a...Read full story
Sex mad vicars rejoice at News Of The World closure.
Thousands of perverted vicars are planning to celebrate the demise of The News Of The World. The Sunday newspaper has been lifting the lid on the covert practices of vicars, judges and maths teachers since the 1950's. But fears are now sweeping...Read full story
News Of The World Reprieved?
A west London news mogul is involved in last-ditch talks to save the doomed Sunday tabloid The News of the World. The red-top's owner, News International, announced it was closing the title on Thursday in the midst of the phone hacking scandal. Th...Read full story
NFL and NBA Owners Moving Teams to China!
The owners of the franchises in the NBA and NFL announced today they are moving their teams to China. The outcry was immediate as the sports world and Americans in general reacted in shock and dismay. "We have no other choice," stated a spokesman...Read full story
Kate & Wills 'royal wedding script' found in NOTW skip
London - Hundreds of pages of the minutely choreographed script 'dated circa 2001' have been retrieved from a Wapping skip. "It's either the most prescient example of clairvoyant journalism," ex-Daily Smearer reporter Dave Hacker said, "or a cynic...Read full story
My hacking and bribery slush fund hell
London - In a moving statement this morning QM NewsCorpse CEO Ms Becky Redhead spoke of her 'torment' at running First Gravytrain Bank of Whopping Backhanders accounts at the core of the hacking probe. "Frankly, it's been hell," Redhead said as a...Read full story
Diagon Alley now real
[London, England] Today the U.K. parliament announced that for the climatic final Harry Potter film, they were going to be renaming London Diagon Alley. This is due to the fact that the British government believes it owes a special thanks to Ms. Rowl...Read full story
Armfeetandtoe Interviews News of the World
I agreed to meet Gemaine Gearbox, Senior Political Editor, in a secret location at 33 Ribald Road East Finchley. When I arrived, I gave the coded knock that would ensure she would open the door. An hour later, no answer, so I threw a brick through the window. The front door opened, and I was ushered in, why she had a cinema employee opening the door, nobody knew. I was shown into the lounge, t...Read full story
Pokemon actually discovered
Shocking news discovered by American scientists today, the existence of Pokemon. The reason that they have remained unknown to America and virtually all the world with the exception of Japan, has been due to a massive Japanese cover-up, with the Japa...Read full story
Buying a house? Learn estate agent speak
Buying a house can be a stressful time. This stress is further compounded by a group of people who make the News of The World hackers seem positively saint like. I am of course talking about estate agents. Estate agents have invented a completely new type of language that's designed to confuse and confound ordinary people into submission. Their descriptive prose is so expertly engineered that...Read full story
Ask Dr Jon, Britains least sympathetic and constructive health professional.
Dear Dr Jon, I have a slight cough and my doctor won't give me antibiotics. For some reason I am obsessed with getting antibiotics, mainly because my mum says I should have them, though neither of us know the difference between a virus and a bacteria. What shall I do? You should for just one sodding moment try to remember that there are people in hospital whose arms have fallen off due to anti...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - David Pugh was a victim of phone hacking
Councillor for the Isle of Wight, David Pugh has come forward as yet another victim of the Snooze of the World Phone Hacking Scandal. "It came to light that journalists were listening in on my telephone calls late last month," said Pugh. "Alison,...Read full story
Heidi Montag To Replace Cheryl Cole and Join Kristen Stewart and Vanessa Hudgens in The TV Series "Vampire Vixens Gone Wild"
HOLLYWOOD - The producer of the soon-to-be filmed television series Vampire Vixens Gone Wild had to do some fancy maneuvering after one of the stars Cheryl Cole suddenly left America and returned to her home in England. Bandini Borrapelli informed...Read full story
Roger Clemens Is Furious That All Of This Trial BS Is Costing Him Lots of Money In Commercial Endorsements
WASHINGTON, D.C. - During Roger Clemens illustrious major league baseball career which spanned 24 years he never faced the situation that he is presently facing. The infamous pitcher known as "The Rocket" is getting ready to enter into a perjury t...Read full story
United States Supreme Court Makes a Mockery of Justice!
The United States Supreme Court has once again made a mockery of all that is good, right,and just in this country when it ended it's current session without ruling on the pivotal Parking Rights Case of Click vs. The District of Columbia. Needless...Read full story
Information of the Bank is Dollar?
This woman doesn't get it.She actually replied to the silly nonsense I emailed to her and you will note that her English has dramatically improved. One can only surmise that there is a scamster hierarchy out here in cyberspace. My English has worsened as you will see from the replies to my darlinguest fan. And mimicking is always a sign of true and eternal love. I doubt that Standard Charted will...Read full story
President Obama Agrees to Medicare Changes
Washington DC: Long painful discussions between Democratic and Republican negotiators have reached common ground on restructuring Medicare to reduce costs without sacrificing medical care for senior citizens. The president called HHS Secretary Ka...Read full story
Biblical Sized Phoenix Dust Storms were Caused by Aliens Moving Thier Base
Phoenix Arizona was recently buffeted by the biggest dust storms known to residents in recent history. Some residents are speculating that the dust storms are related to the Phoenix lights. The Phoenix lights were unexplained light seen by the...Read full story