Written by Alex99

Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Ostriches Prepare for 2013 Austrian Invasion
Ostrich in Mothman Uniform

Ostriches of Southern Russia led by their leader Kurt launched an IPO in preparation for their attack on Osterreich in August 2013. The Spoof! has managed to see one of the prospectus and it seems clear that the ostriches are new to this sort of thing.

The preamble to the prospectus reads as follows:

'Things are so Last Temptation of Christ at the moment.Do you remember the scene when Satan takes Jesus to a town flattened by a financial tsunami with boarded up homes, repossessed businesses, unswept streets and homeless folks queuing up outside soup kitchens? Right in the middle lies a five story fully intact branch of Goldman Sacks. And in the safe is a few billion stashed away. The safe is lying open and Jesus walks by and Satan stops him and asks,'Is it right to steal from a robber?' Jesus obviously says 'no' on the grounds that the bank used to be on Google mean streets and someone might see him taking the money. The 'no' was a close call and if he did take the money then who could really blame him after what all the banks had done to the world? Even Christopher Hitchens would believe in a God like that and even we might, if Allah would let us.'

The Ostrich Invasion Company (OIC) intends to spend the moneys raised on the purchase of tanks, aircraft and special suits for the Revolutionary Frogs Army of Virginia. They will also use money to buy up the entire food supply. A tunnel will be constructed from New York to Vienna so that the 56 million strong Revolutionary Frog Army of Virginia can cross the Atlantic without even getting their feet wet. A similar tunnel will be constructed from Southern Russia and the ideally the two tunnels will meet up on 11th August 2013.

A childrens's choir will herald the link up. A speech therapist will be paid to train the tunnels to talk. Ideally Tunnel One will say,'I am feeling kind of frisky. Shall we make love?' and Tunnel Two will reply, 'Not now darling. I am really tired.'

The date of the invasion will be on August 13th 2013. The IPO will be launched in Vienna since it is only fair that the citizens of Osterreich should pay for the privilege of being invaded by ostriches.

The bottom was signed by Kurt, Lary C, Damani Maru, Mr Peterson, and Benjamin Lowton.

'Benjamin Lowton? Isn't that our brother?' asked Mr Mark Lowton to nobody in particular at The Spoof! Head Quarters in Lancaster. Indeed it was.

'Mr Lowton is clearly suffering from Stockholm Syndrome,' said a pyschiatriatist we picked at random from the Yellow Pages. So, Benjamin is the new Patty Hearst of 2011 and we at the The Spoof! are really proud of him.

We managed to phone Benjamin and and after speaking at length with him his decision to become a terrorist was entirely rational. After managing to escape from his Somali captors he boarded a ship bound for Japan. This ship sank off the North Korean coast and Benjamin was arrested by the North Koreans for being a CIA spy. In an exchange with the Americans he was flown to New York, arrested at JFK and then sent to Guantanamo Bay since the Americans suspected him of being a North Korean Qaeda operative. Luckily he was bailed out by the Swiss but his plane crashed over the Red Sea and the survivors were kidnapped by Somali pirates and Benjamin found himself back in the slammerand and wishing he was in Singapore because he had just decided to quit smoking.

The OIC shares are priced at 50 Euros.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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