Dominique Strauss-Kahn says women always lie about men

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Saturday, 2 July 2011


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image for Dominique Strauss-Kahn says women always lie about men
World renowned liars.

In an interview, Dominique Strauss-Kahn revealed that 80 percent of cases where men and women are in conflict with each other, women lie about men to demonstrate they have power. Most women lie about men to make financial gains.

The legal battle that has ensued over the last few weeks between Strauss-Kahn and a hotel maid has caused a tremendous drain on Kahn's emotions and finances because the maid had lied about Kahn to sue him for millions of dollars.

During a police investigation of the maid it was discovered that she was a hardened criminal who engaged in drug dealing, money laundering and fraud.

Dozens of hotel maids, belonging to the Union's Local 6, chanted "shame on us!", just minutes after Supreme Court Justice Michael Obus released the 62-year-old Frenchman "on his own recognizance," because the maid had admitted to prosecutors that she lied about Kahn.

The bread and butter shot for Strauss Kahn's defense team is the fact that the woman had a phone conversation with an incarcerated, male criminal in which she discussed plans to make false allegations against Kahn to attain monetary benefits. The conversation was being recorded by the prison system.

The incarcerated criminal was her long time associate who had been arrested for possessing 400 pounds of marijuana and who had made several suspicious cash deposits into the maids bank account. Other unscrupulous individuals had also made cash deposits into her account, leading investigators to conclude that she was into money laundering and illegal drug sales.

The woman also payed phone bills to five different companies, though she told police investigators that she owned just one phone.

She admitted to prosecutors to having lied about getting attacked by a gang of men on her asylum application. She also admitted to having lied on her tax return and other applications.

The maid told prosecutors that she had entered Kahn's room after he left the hotel and she discovered sperm on his bed sheets. She suspected that he had masturbated in his bed before leaving the hotel. She quickly smeared the sperm on her shirt, so she could attempt to extort his money through a civil lawsuit. She explained to prosecutors that the tactic had worked for Monica Lewinsky and she decided to try it.

Strauss Kahn told his lawyers he wants to sue the hotel chain that employed the maid because they didn't do a thorough background check on her and she ruined his life. He was forced to resign from his job and his public image has been tarnished. The law suit will ask for 600 million dollars in damages from the hotel chain which will be payed out in increments over several years.

In a private statement the district attorney says the prosecutor's office plans on arresting the hotel maid and bringing several charges against her. "She has committed several serious crimes and we have no choice, but to arrest her," said the district attorney. She will face several years in prison if prosecuted.

She also admitted to prosecutors that she had lied to the grand jury and the grand jury plans on bringing "perjury" charges against her. She will most likely have to serve 15 years in prison for lying to a grand jury just like, Budwin Brace, who is currently serving 15 years in prison for lying to a grand jury.

The I.R.S. made a statement to the press that they will prosecute the maid for "tax evasion." She will most likely get three years in prison for tax evasion just like Wesley Snipes. At the moment Wesley Snipes is serving his three year tax evasion sentence in one of America's most violent prisons.

A beautiful, lipstick lesbian in prison says she wants the maid to sleep in her bed because she has not made love with a man in the last fifteen years. The lesbian says she will make sure the maid pumps iron in prison to increase her masculinity. She also plans on making the maid keep her clothing on, all the time, to highlight the maids masculine side.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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