The Artist Formerly Known as Prince To Decide Zsa Zsa Gabor's Fate

Written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 7 January 2011

image for The Artist Formerly Known as Prince To Decide Zsa Zsa Gabor's Fate

A decision has to be made for 93-year-old celebrity-for-celebrity's-sake Zsa Zsa Gabor that will determine if she lives or dies, and that responsibility falls upon her husband, 52-year-old singer Prince.


- Zsa Zsa is actually married to Prince Edward Island, a Canadian province known as the "Garden of the Gulf."

- Barbaro's dam was a horse named La Ville Rouge; Sarah Jessica Parker's children are James Wilkie Broderick, 9, 2003 American Champion Three-Year-Old Male Horse Funny Cide, 8, and twins Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge, 1.

- Prince's music began to suck after 1985's Around the World in a Day.

We regret the errors.

"The decision is whether to allow us to operate on Ms. Gabor's leg, which will kill her," says Dr. Zofia Zawistowski of the Phil Hartman Memroial Critical Family Care Center, "or continue to teat her with antibiotics, which will kill her.

Gabor was hospitalized on January 2nd of this year after hideously smelly lesions were found on her lower leg, secondary to her July 2010 injury, when she fell at home, requiring hip replacement surgery.

Prince, who stopped making listenable pop music after 1988's Sign o' the Times, has to make the decision as to Zsa Zsa's treatment by 9:00 tomorrow morning, after which he will go back to spending his days firing off letters to Youtube, bitching about 16-year-old girls posting videos of covers of his sh-tty music.

Zsa Zsa Gabor continues to fight for her life, a struggle she began after her hip replacement surgery.

"A broken hip is usually lethal to someone as old as Gabor," said Dr. Zawistowski. "One minute, granny can be sitting on a rocking chair, listening to her arteries harden. She gets up to empty her Depends, falls, and 45 minutes later I'm euthanizing her like Barbaro the Wonder-horse.*"

"I mean, if Kim Cattrall tripped over, like, her labia, she'd be dead by Valentine's Day."

* Barbaro (2003-2007) was an American thoroughbred, the issue of racehorse Dynaformer and actress Sarah Jessica Parker, who decisively won the 2006 Kentucky Derby, but shattered his leg two weeks later in the 2006 Preakness Stakes, quickly followed by a bullet to the brain.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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