Belgium - Mass demonstration against government that doesn't exist
Belgium is facing mounting social unrest as a result of its continuing political crisis. 7 months since the country last voted, political parties are still unable to form a government and are currently considering a proposal about what might be the b...
Read full storyMail On Sunday blatantly rips off impoverished TheSpoof.com writers with Sherlock spoof
It seems that two writers for satirical on-line publication TheSpoof.com have finally had enough of the Mail On Sunday and are planning a sit-in next Tuesday in a venue yet to be determined in protest at the MOS's blatant spoof Sherlock Holmes story.
Read full storyHow to tell the difference between the sexes for physicists
Many long hours in the lab, observatory or one's own head can leave many dedicated physicist unable to make the basic distinction between the sexes. Fortunately, there is a handy reference for identifying the sexes that can prevent many an unfortunate encounter. This is similar to the process for confirming a hypothesis, and contains many null hypothesis, thus it is totally scientific and can b...
Read full storyMany Call Center Jobs Outsourced to Hell
While India may be a popular location for call centers, hell is gaining strength as the next big location for both inbound and outbound call center construction. Recently Lucifer, the keeper of the land of eternal damnation, was quoted as sayi...
Read full storyMafia Set Up Shop in UK
Unconfirmed reports are surfacing that Chicago's notorious head of La Familia, Don Mario Malvagio, has been elected Grand Master Wizard of the UK's 700,000 Freemasons at Bristol's famous Masonic Hall. In a ground-breaking ceremony involving apron...
Read full storyOprah To Pick Up Keith Olbermann
Well, she isn't exactly going to hoist Keith Olbermann up over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, but Oprah Winfrey has signed him for her newly created television network and presented him with the 5 o'clock news hour to continue with his Countdo...
Read full storyKatie Price Claims Alex Reid is Dangerous
Katie Price has been telling friends that her short-term marriage to Alex Reid is over but that the cage fighter won't give up. "I think that on the one hand she doesn't want him back in her life anymore but she also feels sorry for him and maybe,...
Read full storyJustin Bieber More Popular Than Elvis?
A lot of Justin Bieber fans are now claiming that Justin is more popular than Elvis Presley and they might be right if a poll were taken today, but we doubt it. For one thing, there are still too many lady boomers around. However, if the claim...
Read full storyIs a 'New Zealand cousin of Robbie Coltrane' the chump impersonating Lord Strathclyde?
London - (House of Bawds): A doppleganger double of the House of Lords Leader may be stalking Westmonster, seducing silly peroxide slappers with a smooth line in pillowtalk. "We think he's a sort of Mazher Mahmood for the brain-damaged," the Daily...
Read full storyScientists find a link between everything and autism
Countless studies have shown that people with Autism are brought up in exactly the same way as children without autism, leading scientists to conclude that it is the studies that are causing autism in children. "These studies should stop at once,"...
Read full storyChinese Stealth Technology Keeps Bin Laden Hidden in Plain Sight
A new Wikileaks cable was just released on the Wikileaks website that mentions the Chinese government had lent a special suit using stealth technology to Al Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, for testing purposes. Apparently, the test was a success but...
Read full storyJames Blunt Outs Terrorists
In the on-going war against terrorism it emerged today that British singer songwriter James Blunt, 53, plays a huge part in hunting down terrorist hideouts and wanted criminals. Colonel Terry Spatchcock of Regiment 113 Division Two explained: '...
Read full storyObama Continues to Lose Weight; Experts Say He Could be Being Consumed with Intestinal Parasites And Blame Spam Sandwiches!
Obama watchers have grown increasingly concerned as the 50 year old President appears to be wasting away before their eyes ever since his recent Hawaii get away and his binge eating away from the Secret Food Police hired by Moochelle to strictly enf...
Read full story9 Times Out Of 10 You're Wrong - The truth, uncovered!
Fair Trade and Customs Services today revealed the extent at which Britain is almost always mostly wrong. Revealed today under the Freedom of Information Act, people living in the British Isle's are more likely to lose. It seems that much of the blam...
Read full storyChristopher Jefferies: My Scapegoat Hell
Bristol - (Dog Eat Dog): Fears he grassed up Dutch architect Vincent Tabak have seen Chris Jefferies demand police protection. The weedy-looking ex-Clifton College teacher apparently told friends he's a nervous wreck after Ordeal by Red Top and pu...
Read full storyFirst Session with Cameron
Following my appointment to the job as the new Communications Director at No 10 David Cameron asked me to come to a one to one session with him. Here's the result. OK Jim Womble what's your view on my performances at Question Time? You sound like a self satisfied public school bully. Really? So how should I improve? Praise Ed Miliband. Now, come on! That would make all his opp...
Read full storyGay Man Who Asked For Peter Mandelson 'Autograph' Is Reported To Police
Police in London have swooped on the home of an outrightly gay man after he wrote a letter to the Labour Party Member of Parliament Peter Manhandelson (misprint intended) asking for an 'autograph'. The man, Larry Sabu, 20, initially wrote to mr Ma...
Read full storyFederer Knocked Out of Australian Open
Sensational news from the Australian Open where world number 2 Roger Federer has been knocked out by rank outsider Frank Leemydear, world number 621. The feat was made even more remarkable by the fact that left hander Frank plays with a SPOON and...
Read full storyFacebook Will Not End in March: Zuckerberg
A lot of people, especially teens and those who depend upon Facebook to stay in contact and rediscover old classmates and friends, were glad to hear the news this morning that Facebook will not end in March of this year, according to Mark Zuckerberg.
Read full storyAlex Reid Turned into an Alien Says Katie Price
Jordan's friends have tonight revealed that she dumped Alex Reid because he became an Alien. They say that at the end of their short marriage he wasn't the man she fell in love with. Jordan is said to blame the sudden change on the newly discov...
Read full storyBritain to reintroduce death penalty
In a back to basics policy change David Cameron, Prime Minister, announced today the return of the death penalty in Great Britain. "To be fair the death penalty never came off the statute books", he said, "we are just extending the penalties where...
Read full storyApple launches iPhone app for lie detection
Apple (NYSE:APPL) has revealed that it has been working on an app for the iPhone 4 and iPad which will detect lies and lying called the iLie. The app will allow the user to connect the iPhone 4 or iPad to a telephone or to a microphone and the si...
Read full storyAlien Brain Beetles Found in Dead Banker's Brain
Alien Brain Beetles have been found in the middle of a dead banker's brain. No one knows how they killed the banker but they are thought to be responsible for his greedy behaviour and insensitivity to poor people, just before he died. Similar bra...
Read full storyExecution Alternatives
CNN is reporting that an Illinois manufacturer's decision to stop making the aesthetic sodium thiopental. This news is critical because this loss will delay some criminal executions that rely on lethal injections. It will force states to think outside the box and adopt other lethal techniques. Naturally, I have my ideas which are not only expeditious but cost-effective: * One hour viewing...
Read full storyKate Middleton and Prince William's Wedding to be Stormed by Student Rioters
Student rioters have are making plans to hijack the Royal Wedding. They plan to storm the wedding reception and eat all the party food to highlight the fact that students can't afford to eat food anymore. The wedding Reception will also be raide...
Read full storySelena Gomez Says Nude Photos in Indian Magazine Not Her
Pop star Selena Gomez says that the just released photos of her in India News Magazine are not her. "Everyone wants a piece of Selena Gomez", she told reporters in Paris this morning. This has all come about after Gomez reportedly came to Pari...
Read full storyHusband Axes Wife with New Voicebox
The pioneering Ukrainian housewife who received the world's first voicebox transplant has been shot dead by her husband. Sonya Tajikistan, who had been voiceless for thirty years as a result of Chikungunya laryngitis, received a human larynx ten day...
Read full storyCongresswoman Michele Bachmann Direct Descendent of Typhoid Mary!
Congressman Michele Bachmann's office is vehemently denying a published report that Ms. Bachmann is a direct descendent of the infamous Typhoid Mary. The web site Myrelatives.org is reporting otherwise. Evidently, Ms. Bachmann is directly related to...
Read full storyThe Devil's In the Dutchmen! Vincent Tabak & Joran van der Sloot Linked To Aruba Springbreak Disappearances!
The Aruba and Holland Tourism Industry were hit today with the shocking bombshell news that accused women killers Vincent Tabak and Joran van der Sloot, both Dutchmen, met and partied 6 years ago on Aruba the same time US student Natalie Holloway w...
Read full storyA Carpet Burns Night disaster for sordid Labour smears on Tory Lords Leader
London - (Smoke 'N' Mirrors): A Sunday Smearer gutter trawl defaming the Conservative Leader of the House of Lords looks set to end in tragedy. "I'll give it until Burns Night, Tuesday," a leading defamation lawyer chuckled today as the sordid tal...
Read full storySalena Gomez & Justin Vacation in Paris Together
Two of fandom's favorite stars have been seen together in Paris according to the press there. Les Echos is said to be preparing a huge two-page edition on photographs of the couple there as Justin and Selena were first seen getting off a plane tog...
Read full storyRadical MMR scan to search Vincent Tabak 'for that missing sock'
Bristol - (Skullduggery Stuff): Did Dutch architect Vincent Tabak really eat Jo Yeates' pizza ... as well as her woollen blue-grey sock? A groundbreaking ultrasound procedure may now be used to forage the Dutch architect's intestines for microscop...
Read full storyMSNBC Fires Keith Olbermann over False Claims of Pregnancy & Unauthorized Maternity Leave!
There was shock and awe in the dwindling ranks of Keith Olbermann fans as he was unceremoniously dumped by CNBC when it turned out he had lied about his pregnancy, and further fleeced the network by taking Maternity Leave at full Pay! Commenting o...
Read full storyFree Love for Police
In an astonishing statement Signus Snoop, up until now the secret trainer of under the covers Police spies, lay out his support for free love. 'You can't poke around in these organisations, devoted to promiscuity, without having a bit of it yourse...
Read full storyGrieve not so, dear mother
For food, recreation or trade, some people fish; others kill wildlife. Of course, the killing of graceful quails, pheasants, deer etc is legal. However, in the business of hunting, there is one appalling form of hunting: the trapping, capturing or killing of Homo erectus! The last formal human hunting took place in Vietnam, but invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan was a turning point in the history...
Read full storyCroc Crocked Horror
A crocodile in the Ukraine has lost all appetite after swallowing a cell phone dropped into his mouth by a tourist taking a photograph. Lickingchops - the crocodile in question - has not eaten since the incident a month a go. Laxatives have not mo...
Read full storyApple Shocker: Tickle My Fancy Or Is It Just My Willy?
Apple today announced a new application available for down load to their new iphones. The App, called tickle, is said to use blue tooth technology to stimulate the erogenous zones of anybody in the room. Christian groups have been outraged, say...
Read full storyEd Balls replaces Alan Johnson as Shadow Chancellor
Labour's Ed Balls has replaced Alan Johnson, who has resigned due to personal (Marriage) problems, as Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer. Political correspondent Inchcock Chambers visiting the house of Commons to get the opinions of the MPs of all persuasions on this unexpected but not surprising occurrence. After seven other members of the Labour hierarchy turned down the position, it appe...
Read full storyNever Before Seen Nude Photos of Marilyn Monroe Found In The Garage of Ellen DeGeneres' Hollywood Hills Home
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Bedroom Pillow Talk and The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette working on the same tip have reported that members of the Hollywood Hills Police Department have found a suitcase containing over 200 never before seen nude photographs of 5...
Read full storyRage Boxing Sweeps the World
Here at last Rage Boxing the new sport that makes kick-boxing look like an argument at a taxi rank. Only a few months old, Rage Boxing has taken the world by storm. Begun in the UK, Rage Boxing is the ultimate in physical combat. It is said to have been inspired by a Japanese Game Show called "Champions of Endurance" and in view of the fact that few Brits can actually think of something all by...
Read full storyKate Gosselin's Bodyguard Steve Nield Caught In The Possession of 37 Nude Photos of KatGo
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin sat at her kitchen table talking to her best friend Kinsey San Joaquin. KatGo, the name Kate is now going by, said that she cannot believe that the man that she trusted more than even Dancing With The Stars host...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Devastated Over News of Alleged Nude Photos of Her Laying On The Beach At Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
LOS ANGELES - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune has reported that they have alleged nude photos of Taylor Swift that were taken on her recent trip down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The editor of T4 Murgatroyd Latherwick has stated that although the phot...
Read full storyPlayGuy Magazine To Showcase Melissa and Joan Rivers In a Valentine's Day Nude Layout
CHICAGO - Right Coast Illustrated Revue magazine has just found out that the editor of the highly reputable mens magazine PlayGuy Josette Emma Friscatti, has signed Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa Rivers to appear in a seven page nude Valentine'...
Read full storySpoof Group Takeover: Rumours Unfounded
Recent reports about the Spoof Group hostile take-over have proved unfounded. In a recent report, it was suggested the Spoof Group was ready to be bought out by rival news group StrandNews. It was believed that political pressure from Wiki-Leaks coul...
Read full storyCommon sense up to £1.95 a litre
Outrage in the UK last night as the Department of Lack of Energy and Initiative (DLEI - one to remember) announced that common sense would be subjected to a CSI (sorry - not anything exciting like Crime Scene Investigation, just the rather more bland...
Read full storyParents Television Council Shows its True Skin
Los Angeles, January 23, 2011. On Thursday, the Parents Television Council issued a warning about the Viacom/MTV series Skins. It concluded: "Skins may well be the most dangerous television show for children that we have ever seen." I rushed right over to the PTC office to interview two of its Board members, Neon J. Vile, Chairman, and Wanky H. Borker, Token Female. When I was shown in, both we...
Read full storyMineral Water Leaks Greater Drain Then Pipe Waste
Mineral water leaks have today been exposed as the biggest waste of water on the British mainland. Tests have revealed that for every pint of water lost through inadequate infrastructure, 2 more are lost through bottled water. A spokesman for Ten...
Read full storyMadonna and Prince Finally Bury The Hatchet (But Not Into Each Other)
BROOKLYN - The artist formerly known as Prince and the former singer formerly known as Madonna have finally grown up and ended their 25 year long feud. Yes according to Tittle Tattle Tonight Prince Rogers Countessa Nelson and Madonna Louise Veroni...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Simon Cowell Demolishes Famous American Idols
What would have happened if Simon Cowell, the inspiration and chief executioner for the wildly popular American Idol show had been around to judge the big stars of American music before they became legends. Just how many of them would have survived the gauntlet of his withering criticism? I think many would have curled up under his sarcasm like slugs deluged by salt and withered away. Let's ta...
Read full storyGradgrind Mark Two?
In a speech remarkably reminiscent of Charles Dickens' infamous schoolmaster, Mr. Gradgrind, in 'Hard Times', Education Minister Michael Gove announced this week that the school curriculum must now focus on facts and figures, a return to the old style system where children learned dates and informational snippets by rote. "In 1950, every child in England knew when the Battle of Hastings took pl...
Read full storyShocking Discovery: Sherlock Holmes' Unknown Wife Solved All Mysteries While He Was Cleaning the Tub
Historians have uncovered previously unknown writings that Sherlock Holmes' wife, Julie, actually solved all of his cases while he was cleaning the bathroom tub. Up until the writings were discovered, no one had any idea that Sherlock Holmes had a w...
Read full storyKate Middleton and Chelsey Davies Bailed In Blood Diamond Crackdown Bust
The world was stunned yesterday as Kate Middleton and Chelsea Davies were sensationally held after a dawn raid at Buckingham Palace. S019 and Customs sealed off a cordon in excess of 1000 meters around the swish London pad and applied for a 3 mil...
Read full storyPage Three Behind the Veil!
Following violent protests in Tunisia and Algeria, a leading Arab state has revealed its intention to modernise with the introduction of 'Page Three Beauties' in its national daily papers. "We should come into the twenty-first century," said an Em...
Read full storyFox News reporting Keith Olbermann removed by Death Panel
NEW YORK, NY - Keith Olbermann's sudden announcement that his top-rated MSNBC show Countdown would no longer continue has caused a wave of speculation about what may have prompted the commentator to step down. While many seem to believe Olbermann's d...
Read full storyState of the Union Speech 'Partners' Sought Online by Politicians
Washington is abuzz with activity as the countdown begins to President Obama's Tuesday evening speech. As an article, "Odd Couples Created in Seating for Speech," on WSJ.com states, "This year, some lawmakers worried that partisan overtones w...
Read full storyMusic Festival Disaster: Enquiry Results Finally Revealed
The cause for the disaster at one of Britain's largest music festivals has finally been revealed. A sub-standard batch of tent pegs, dangerously combined with cheap imported Chinese tent poles, have been named as the 'most likely' cause for a huge...
Read full storyZsa Zsa Gabor to compete in Special Olympics
Zsa Zsa Gabor has announced that she would really "luff to compete in zeee Special Olympics dhhaling". When asked in which events she hopes to compete she answered, "Well, dhhaling, joost take a look at me - ze wheelchair baskatbawl and ze whe...
Read full storyNation's seniors have great sex lives, reports Department of 'That's F-ing Gross'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a collaborative report with the Committee of 'I Don't Want to Hear That Shit', the Department of 'That's Fucking Gross' released a report today surveying the sex lives of over 1,000 elderly couples, in which it was discovered th...
Read full storyGannex Raincoats to sponsor the Premier League in 2011/12
In a landmark deal announced today, the Barclays Premier League will have a new sponsor from next season. With our top players wearing more and more items of clothing while playing, a major clothing brand have seized on the opportunity to re-launc...
Read full storyBritney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Heidi Montag Agree To Appear In "The Naked PMS'ing Lesbian Vampire Bitches From Hell!"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Heidi Montag have all finally agreed to star in Charleen Belle Pinnzucker's adaptation of the epic novel The Naked PMS'ing Lesbian Vampire Bitches From Hell. Pinnzucker who is considered to be...
Read full storyBeneath The Valley Of The Sundances With Wolves In Sheep's Clothing: Festival Dispatches Part 5
PARK CITY, UTAH - Don't look now, but it's finally a Sunday fun day here at the Sundances With Wolves In Sheep's Clothing Film Fest. And while, in every other end of the out-of-town yard and/or corner of the everywhere else pool, it's a more or less a day of rest, here at Sundances' hipper-than-thou ground-like zero, it's anything but, and, more often than not, a whole lot more. Especially...
Read full storyDiddy: 'Prostitute Alley' is go
Rapper Diddy has confirmed he will team up with actor Vince Vaughn and Tyne and Wear comic Sarah Millican to record 'Prostitute Alley', a song idea inspired by the comic's tale of how she has to negotiate through a Manchester alley packed with sex wo...
Read full storyNaked J K Rowling pictures
Yes that is right, before J K Growling, authorette of Harry McPotter wizarding series became famous she was a magazine babe. "In Tyne and Weir, it was either sell crack or show your crack", J K told this reporter. All the nude pictures have b...
Read full storyWest Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee & Arkansas Outlaw Brother/Sister Marriages
While gay people cannot marry in any of these states, all four have been allowing marriages within their own families, a tradition handed down from when there WERE no other people around within 50 miles to marry. "We thought it over and since we c...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: Robert Pattinson Needs the Brass to Keep Me!
Friends of Twilight star Kristen Stewart say that she has been more than a little miffed by the way she has been treated by her long-time boyfriend, Robert Pattinson. "She told us that she feels like he takes it for granted that she will always be...
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