Ed Balls replaces Alan Johnson as Shadow Chancellor

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Ed Balls replaces Alan Johnson as Shadow Chancellor
Ed Balls, eighth choice to replace Alan Johnson

Labour's Ed Balls has replaced Alan Johnson, who has resigned due to personal (Marriage) problems, as Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Political correspondent Inchcock Chambers visiting the house of Commons to get the opinions of the MPs of all persuasions on this unexpected but not surprising occurrence.

After seven other members of the Labour hierarchy turned down the position, it appeared that Ed Balls was not the first choice for Mr Miliband.

He started with the members of the Coalition Government in attendance:

The Rt Hon David Cameron MP - Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service
"We already have Labour pinballs, puffballs, and punch-balls in Labours Shadow Cabinet, he'll fit in well!"

The Rt Hon Nick Clegg MP - Deputy Prime Minister, Lord President of the Council (with special responsibility for political and constitutional reform)
"I anticipate Balls to commit goofballs in his aggresive efforts in this position!"

The Rt Hon William Hague MP - First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
"He'll make a change from arranging Policeman's balls!"

George Osborne MP - Chancellor of the Exchequer
"I look forward to locking horns with Ed Balls, as with all the other Labour sleaze balls!"

The Rt Hon Kenneth Clarke QC MP - Lord Chancellor, Secretary of State for Justice
"I see Ed Balls has been unintentionally brought out of mothballs, it will be interesting to see how he fits in with Miliband's other screwballs!"

The Rt Hon Theresa May MP - Secretary of State for the Home Office and Minister for Women and Equalities
"Ed Balls will have to be careful not to his own racquet balls!"

Our reporter then moved onto obtaining the views of the Shadow Cabinet that he could find:

The Rt Hon Ed Miliband MP - Leader of Her Majesty's Most Loyal Opposition, Leader of the Labour Party
"Ed Balls will be like winning tennis balls, and gain game set and match over the Coalition cannonballs fired at the poor!"

The Rt Hon Harriet Harman MP - Shadow Secretary of State for International Development
"Ed Balls, I like his style, aggression and eyeballs!, anyway this move will prove that with Balls and Miliband in Parliament, two Ed's will be better that one!"

The Rt Hon Rosie Winterton MP - Opposition Chief Whip in the House of Commons
"I'm sure as he plays against the Coalition that he will not toss any no-balls"

The Rt Hon Sadiq Khan MP - Shadow Secretary of State for Justice
"Ed Balls will attack the coalition with his magnificent verbal volleyballs!"

The Rt Hon Caroline Flint MP - Shadow Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government
"Ed Balls will deal easily with the Coalition butterballs, low-balls meatballs, oddballs, and slime balls!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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