Student rioters have are making plans to hijack the Royal Wedding. They plan to storm the wedding reception and eat all the party food to highlight the fact that students can't afford to eat food anymore.
The wedding Reception will also be raided by artists and classical musicians, who also can't afford to eat any more. Poverty in Britain has reached such a level that only rich people can afford food. Poor people have to eat leaves from the park.
But this course of action isn't just the brain child of bored students, it has has been inspired by a highly respected eastern philosopher and religious leader. That person is Ryan Gigg's Yoga Guru, Yogi Kali who lives in Mombai.
As well as just teaching yoga to rich footballers, the guru teaches that, "In the event that an imbalance in the wealth of society reaches the point of life endangerment, it is perfectly okay for spiritually enlightened people to redress the balance by taking their survival into their own hands, even if it means breaking the taboos of civilised society."
The guru said that this advice could be taken in whichever way it was received. So if students thought that this meant stealing from the rich to feed the poor, then so be it.
Incidentally, that's exactly how the students took it. They have decided that Yogi Kali wants them to be New Age Robin Hoods, and they are going to start off their good deeds by wrecking Kate Middleton's wedding. Their plans also include redistributing her wedding presents and drinking all her expensive Champagne.
But the student's good deeds aren't going to stop there. Their next target will be greedy Bankers.
A rebel student known only as Robin215 said he plans to have a lovely time over the next year taking and redistributing. He will also be doing lots of shoplifting and joyriding.
His main ambition is to redistribute so much wealth that he gets to live in a great big house, just like Wayne Rooney's. He also wants to drive a formula one motor car and learn how to fly a helicopter. Then he wants to marry Jordan.
Upon hearing this last piece of information, Katarina Frogpond (that's me) phoned NHS direct, because this student had obviously gone mad, and needed urgent treatment to see if his brains were being eaten by alien brain beetles.
By Katarina Frogpond
