Music Festival Disaster: Enquiry Results Finally Revealed

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Music Festival Disaster: Enquiry Results Finally Revealed
A festival goer, using correct tent pegs, will ensure an uninterrupted nights kip.

The cause for the disaster at one of Britain's largest music festivals has finally been revealed.

A sub-standard batch of tent pegs, dangerously combined with cheap imported Chinese tent poles, have been named as the 'most likely' cause for a huge number of collapses at Glastonbury, last year.

Over 600 tents collapsed, in a number of fields, over the weekend in June 2010, injuring two people and causing 'shock and confusion' in many more.

The official police report, made public this week, stated categorically that bad workmanship in the tent manufacturing process was 'probably' to blame.

Gary Bladderfault, 18, told us "I was sleeping soundly with some bird I'd hooked up with, when I felt a waft of air on my face, next thing I know I was covered in fabric. It was frightening, not knowing what was happening!"

Mary Sugarsnap, 32 said "I was alone when it happened. My partner was off getting a cheese toastie from a food vendor, when I heard a popping sound. Next thing I know my whole world came tumbling down. It took my boyfriend twenty minutes to get me out, he had to finish his sandwich. I was so scared trapped under all that blue sheeting, I know how earthquake victims feel, and it's not pleasant. I was totally unaware of where the door was and felt totally trapped."

Paramedics were on scene very quickly, with the fire brigade giving full support in the rescue operation.

Dave Jennings, head of the search and rescue team that evening, told us "our guys worked all through the night getting people out. I remember one girl got a serious scratch over her left eye, when one of the support poles came down on her. It was terrible! Not something I wish to repeat!"

Several festival goers were treated for severe bewilderment. "Waking up half drunk, to find yourself covered in lightweight fabric, is very disorienting," Jennings continued "we had many cases of people in shock. It was a war zone out there."

Tent manufacturers have been tasked with making full monetary reparations for their lack of care and substandard product testing.

Exact payouts are yet to be defined.

The case continues.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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