Rage Boxing Sweeps the World

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Rage Boxing Sweeps the World
Tame stuff compared to the new craze - Rage Boxing.

Here at last Rage Boxing the new sport that makes kick-boxing look like an argument at a taxi rank. Only a few months old, Rage Boxing has taken the world by storm.

Begun in the UK, Rage Boxing is the ultimate in physical combat. It is said to have been inspired by a Japanese Game Show called "Champions of Endurance" and in view of the fact that few Brits can actually think of something all by themselves that is truly original there would appear to be some truth in the rumour. This, the most popular TV show in Japan, is said to have been conceived and created by no less a figure than Baby Doc of Haiti one Saturday afternoon during his 25 years of exile.

[i]"I thought of it as a way of keeping in touch with my dear dad," said Baby Doc. "Dad could endure any amount of pain. He could sit and watch it for hours and hours. And, of course, I had to make a living."

Contestants wear spiked knee and elbow pads as well as special steel-capped boots bristling with surgical knives. Knuckle-dusters are also allowed fashioned along the old gladiatorial lines of the pugilists of Ancient Rome. Each knuckle-duster is made of lead and weighs up to a kilo. One skilfully delivered blow will crush a man's skull.

Fighters are also given a small container of highly inflammable liquid that they wear on a strap about their waist. They can only use the fuel once. And they can set their opponent on fire only below the waist. Setting anybody on fire above the waist is frowned upon by the management committee chaired by ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair. Explained Rage Boxing promoter Harry Keirie. "Of course, people might get killed or damaged for life but that only adds to the excitement. Our aim is to produce a sport that reflects our times. This sport is not for sissies and I am definitely not a sissy and I will kill any man who dares to say so."

Rage Boxing is set to be the next big thing in 'sport'. "It's a money spinner," said Harry. "Television channels around the world are already competing for the rights."

Several ex-members of the SAS, seven criminals due for release from Wormwood Scrubs, quite a few terminally ill patients from all over the country and two ex-members of Opus Dei have all shown a keen interest.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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