Tattoos to be outlawed in Central LA
Tattoos have been as much a part of the culture in South Central LA as have been red and blue handkerchiefs, fried chicken stands and watermelon rhinds. Now the local City Council has decided to ban the open and notorious display of tattoos in public. Their reasoning is that it incites violence against those of us that do not "represent" with skin art. Needless to say the community is in an...
Read full storyWas Jo killed for her pizza?
Bristol - (Thin Crust News): Topped for her twelve-inch mozzarella, tomato 'n' pesto tv dinner and two small bottles of White Lightning? Police said today the Bristol architect's senseless death may have been caused by a deranged pizza mugger.
Read full storyPiers Morgan, Ricky Gervais and Simon Cowell: Americans Just Don't Get the British
Less than 24 hours after slapping Ricky Gervais for being disrespectful to the hallowed saints of Hollywood at the Golden Globes, the New York Times chided Piers Morgan for not being dangerous enough when interviewing Oprah Winfrey in the debut of hi...
Read full storyCommunication Between Obama and Chief of Staff Devolves into Abbott and Costello Sketch
Washington, DC - China's President Hu Jintao (pronounced Hoo Jin-tou or, said quickly, 'who's in town?'), was scheduled to spend three days at the White House for a state visit, and was the first important item on President Obama's agenda since William Daley became the White House Chief of Staff. Everything was expected to be perfect and as such, President Obama relied on Daley to make sure everyt...
Read full storyVenus Williams scared off court by randy kangaroo
Venus Williams was bending over waiting to receive a serve at the Australian Open today, when suddenly a kangaroo with a whopping erection jumped onto the court and headed straight for Venus' butt. It looked like Venus was heading for an ace and mayb...
Read full storyA Bush in the Hand is Apparently Worth Two Birds
Reported cryptically by William Hempstead from Kingston Upon Thames, U.K., accountant and winner of the 2008 Twit of the Year Awards, a bush in the hand has indeed been found to be worth at least two birds. Traveling with other improperly dressed...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Time Capsule from 1969 Unearthed in Wootton
A time capsule was recovered in a field in Wootton last week, and an opening ceremony was held at the Woodside Bay Caravan Park on Saturday. City of Ryde officials were on hand to open the time capsule showing a date of 1969. Since 1969 was one of...
Read full storyNew Cell Phone App Turns Camera Into X-ray that Sees Through Clothing
Sebring, Fla. - A new app available for downloading promises to turn an ordinary cell phone camera into an X-Ray machine that can see through clothing. Invented by thirteen year old Randy Cummings from nearby Titusville, the middle school student sai...
Read full storyCross-breeding in Budgerigars leads to strange genetic deformities
Scientists studying the humble budgerigar have spent the last 24 years trying to identify genes which can lead to physical abnormalities. Dr. Ian Boring, PhD student and Darkness fan, was responsible for taking samples of budgerigar sperm and ana...
Read full storyObama To Replace Bald Eagle With Panda As American National Symbol
As a conciliatory gesture to Chinese leader, Hu Jintau, who will be treated to a lavish reception at the White House tomorrow, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced that the President has decided to replace our national symbol, the Bald Eagle, with...
Read full storySelena Gomez Parents to Justin Bieber: Quit Trying to Seduce Our Daughter!
Ricardo Gomez, Selena's biological father and her mother, Mandy Teefy, have apparently told Justin Bieber to quit trying to seduce their daughter. "Selena has quit wearing her "purity ring" and I want to know why", stated Teefy. "She's been wearin...
Read full storyLatino Ron Rivera, The Latino Who Is The Third Latino In The NFL, is Latino. And The Latino Coach Of The Carolina Panthers. And also Latino.
Ron Rivera, the son of a Puerto Rican father and Mexican mother, joins Tom Flores ("El Tigre"), the worst former head coach of the Raiders and the Seahawks, and Tom Fears ("El Nombre Blanco"), the former coach of the Saints, as the only three Hispani...
Read full storyOscar Wilde wasn't gay
New evidence emerged yesterday proving that the writer Oscar Wilde was not gay as was previously thought. A diary belonging to one of Wilde's associates - The Marquis of Tewkesbury, shows an entry for the summer of 1898 when the Marquis and his co...
Read full storyBaby Doc Duvalier: I've Been Gone 25 Years. You... You All Could've Cleaned Up a Little.
Jean-Claude "Bebe Doc" Duvalier, who ruled Haiti from 1971 until his overthrow by a popular uprising in 1986, has returned to Haiti after 25 years of self-imposed exile. And he's not happy with what he sees. "I must admit, I am a little shocked...
Read full story'Baby Doc' Duvalier: I Returned To Get My Father's Watch. Bedside Table, On The Kangaroo
Former Haitian dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier was taken into custody Tuesday and transported to a courthouse, just a few days after sneaking back into Haiti, ostensibly to retrieve some jewelry he left behind when exiled some 25 years ago.
Read full storyPariahsaurus Fossils Discovered in Wisconsin
Thought for years to be a new species of dinosaur but never found fully intact, the full skeletal remains of a male Pariahsaurus were discovered this week in a valley that borders the Wisconsin shores of Lake Michigan. A very close cousin to the...
Read full storyGay couple banned from UK B & B win their court battle, now they can B & B (bum & balls) it where they want!
A gay couple who were refused a double bedroom in a UK hotel run by a devout Christian pair (hetero) have won their lawsuit against the hotel and will receive damages. Now this case is bound to open up a "gay can of worms" as gay couples attempt t...
Read full storyAre these the Iraq War 'notes' Tony Blair sent to George Bush?
London - (Specious Relationship): Iraq War Inquiry chairman Sir John Chilcot has been sent a video of a large holdall stuffed with $100 bills. The footage shows almost half a million 'notes' - whose existence cannot be discussed at the Inquiry bec...
Read full storyRicky Gervais Vilified For Teasing Self-Congratulatory Millionaire Public Figures.
If you've never done stand up, or written humour for public consumption, your opinion of Ricky Gervais' Golden Globes performance means f--k all to me. At different times in my life, I have both bombed in front of 150 people at a comedy club, and been informed that I had cancer: The cancer diagnosis was infinitely less frightening. Hell, cancer is curable, mosttimes. There is no way to cure an...
Read full storyDutch "Loony" proclaims eating bugs will save the world!
A totally "nutty" Dutch professor called Arnold van Huis has proclaimed that the problems of the world can be solved by eating bugs. Poverty, malnutrition, exploding global population, food shortages, water shortages, etc, can all be defeated if h...
Read full storyPregnant Natalie Portman Makes Nude Workout Video
Although pregnant with her first child, actress Natalie Portman has made a video of her doing exercises in the nude, according to a press release. Portman says she's not ashamed of her body and she wants other women to exercise while they are expe...
Read full storyThe Adventures of Superpol, The Shape Shifting Politician; Episode 1, Superpol Versus the Rogue Indian Elephant
Kanha National Park, India - Superpol, the international politician with the mysterious shape shifting abilities and a superhuman ego too boot (but sadly saddled with the intelligence of an wicker basket) nonetheless stopped a crazed and rampaging rogue bull elephant deep in the heart of India today. The rogue bull seemed bent on destroying a hospital that is home to dozens of blind orphan chi...
Read full story"Naked Body Scanners Out, Anal Probes In," says TSA
Faced with lawsuits from airline passengers and its own employees, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA) said today that it will discontinue the use of naked-body scanners at U.S. airports beginning March 2011. Passengers have long co...
Read full storyDirections for physicists
At school, we are taught that there are four states of matter (in decreasing order of order) Solid, Liquid, Gas and Plasma. Physicists know of a fifth, which is Bose-Einstein Condensate, which is a kind of solid liquid. However, this is an extreme and rarely encountered outside of the lab. But what does this have to do with asking for directions? Well, there are four states of being lost.
Read full storyMoose sues
Para Sailin is being sued. One of the three attorneys in Alaska have brought suit against the on again, off again politician and general pain in the moose ass non governor of Alaska. On behalf of the now dead moose, Lawyer, Actual Hunter has broug...
Read full storySarah Jessica Parker In Lucrative Advertising Deal
With news hot off the press that ageing star of Sex And The City, Kim Cattrall, is to be the face of Olay's new range of anti-ageing creams, it comes as no surprise that co-star and ex-face of Horse And Hound, Sarah Jessica Parker, has also lined up...
Read full storyBattle To Release Skin Patch For Alzheimer's Treatment
A skin patch to treat Alzheimer's and help jog people's memory is to be made available on the NHS after a five year battle. Exelon can be taken orally or worn as a patch. But the patch has been shown to reduce side effects such as nausea and vomit...
Read full storyCops' glee as Assange 'buys' spoof Swiss bank account data
Zurich - (Gnomes): Super confident self-publicising asshole Julian Assange has fallen for a joint CIA/MI5 sting involving thousands of bogus Swiss bank account details. A CD of the confidential data was passed to him by an undercover spook who inf...
Read full storyRicky Gervais - Say no more!
According to 'some', Ricky Gervais was an absolute HIT at the Golden Globe Awards, according to 'many' HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIT at the Golden Globe Awards. Surely the organizers knew what they were doing, asking Ricky to 'host' again. Or are they REALLY fools? So what - if he never works in that town again - he made us laugh, he made us squirm, he made some of us proud to be British. He kin...
Read full storyRicky Gervais to host Golden Globe Awards 2012 - Imagine it without him!
Philip Berk, president of HFPA said yesterday: 'Ricky pissed a few people off, but nobody important. Besides, most took the humour in good faith and those that didn't can piss off.' The bold statement from Berk comes when most thought Gervais wou...
Read full storyRicky Gervais Set Upon Backstage By Hollywood Elite At Golden Globes
With the question still burning as to what happened to Ricky Gervais, for the second half of the Golden Globe awards ceremony, an eyewitness has stepped forward to reveal a shocking revelation. Marty Wondergrist, star spotter and 'hanger-on', was...
Read full storyBerlusconi expects beatification for services rendered to teenage girls
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has told Pope Benedict that he expects to be beatified on his death. The Italian Lothario, who will turn 75 in September, believes that he merits beatification because of how happy he has made, and still is...
Read full storyOne ended mobile call Overheard!
This morning, our Spoof reporter, Inchcock Chambers, was doing his laundry at this local launderette (the police has fininshed the break-in investigation, and the windows have been boarded up), and overheard the following from a young lady in the shop. He thought perhaps someone could work out what the conversation actually applied to, and inform him please? The young lady answered the incom...
Read full storyDesperate Pig Hides All the Family Bacon
It all seemed so reasonably explainable for the Hawkins' 550 pound pig Larry. At first his dad suddenly disappeared with no warning as well as the 600 pound pig Isabella. "They eloped", Larry said to his self. "Yep, that's what happened, they eloped. Dad always had an eye for the really fat ones and Isabella made Rosie O'Donnell look like a super model". Then his mom was gone the next d...
Read full storySpoof Writers Run for Cover as Assange Threatens to Reveal "Millions in Unreported Income" Earned for Writing Crap!
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange dropped yet another bomb as he announced he would be revealing millions of dollars in unreported income earned by 'hack' writers on The Spoof.com aided and abetted by the site's editor Mark " Lil Madoff' Lowton! Ap...
Read full storyItalian PM Silvio Berlusconi May Have Shagged 'Every Woman In Italy'
The sexual 'wild oats' of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi may prove to have been sown much wider than originally thought, with some experts claiming that he may have had sex with every woman in Italy, as well as thousands more all over the E...
Read full storyAll Night Party for Peers
The spectacle of an all night rave at the House of Lords was greeted with disbelief by their children who thought they could trust their parents to behave. 'I can't understand it' said the teenage daughter of Lord Abercrombie-Flitter 'he's quite...
Read full storyKerry Katona Isn't Real, Say Quantum Physicists!
Everything we think we understand as real is merely a holographic projection. So say boffins engaged in investigating nature at its most basic levels. The latest thinking in quantum theory was revealed to the viewing public in Monday night's Ho...
Read full storyRicky Gervais reveals what he did for an hour at the Golden Globes
Ricky Gervais was hauled off stage at the Golden Globes this week and did not return for a whole hour. He maintains that this was not because of his offensive comments to the Hollywood glitterati as they came on. "Well," he said, "The organiser...
Read full storyComprehensive Cat Owners Manual
Due to the large amount of mail recieved by the Spoof Gazette, about Cat problems, today we publish this anonymous guide sent in by a reader. Cat User's Manual For all computer geeks out there! CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT (Maker of Many CATs) User Installation & Maintenance Documentation Features: User Friendly Low Power CPU Self Portable...
Read full storyBritish Prostitute and X-Factor Contestant Chloe Mafia Hints That She Would Like To Have Simon Cowell's Baby
LONDON - The London Revue Gazette is reporting that famed London prostitute Chloe Mafia, who can do some amazing as hell things with whipped cream, Maraschino cherries, and three Costa Rican bananas has announced that she would like for Simon Cowell...
Read full storyNicole Kidman Used Surrogate to Avoid Pre-Natal Botox Poisoning
Nicole Kidman and her husband, Keith Urban, welcomed a new baby girl to their household, born December 28 via surrogate. The couple, interviewed on the red carpet at the 2011 Golden Globe awards, expressed gratitude to their "gestational carrier."...
Read full storyRobert Downey, Jr. Appears In Tropic Thunder Blackface To Denounce Ricky Gervais
Robert Downey, Jr., the voice of the sexually ambiguous Mr. Peanut and the sexually ambiguous Mr. Peabody and Sherman in the Dreamworks Film "Rocky And Bullwinkle's Ancillary Characters" is rip-snorting mad at Ricky Gervais's Golden Globes monologue,...
Read full storyWhere will we find...
Where will we find... An Ode that came to the poet as he was making a cup of tea Where will we find people so very temperamental? Where will we find who think fiddling is fundamental? Where will we find nepotistic people, cruel and mental? Where will we find scheming people being instrumental? Where will we find deceit, cheating, and lying elemental? Where will we find folk wh...
Read full storyUp The Buses!
(Or - some TV shows should never be rehashed - because they were so dire in the first place.) UP THE BUSES! Cast: Mum Butler - an old bid who is as daft as a brush. Stan Butler - an ageing lothario who most women wouldn't give a second glance. Hair loaded with Brylcreem. Obsessed with 'crumpet,' A bus driver. Olive - Stan's sister. A bit of a growler who's obviously desperate for a...
Read full storySarah Palin Takes Aim at 2012
Wasilla, AK - Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has her sights set on the White House. Palin announced today that she's running for President. "I'm going to take my shot," said Palin. She added, "Obama better watch out because I'm gunning for h...
Read full storyWalter Mitty. The truth at last. Part 1
Statement: I never intended to tell a lie, or make up stories that would change the history of politics and world peace. I was born, just before world war one, my father was a batmen to General Sir Earl Hague. My dad often had a night cap with Hague and during one of those nights, Hague asked my dad what he would do if Germany declared war on Poland. My dad, being a man of peace, advised...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com To Become Gay Platform?
Writers at popular news website TheSpoof.com were involved in heated discussions this morning over the issue of whether or not the site was set to become the next victim of the ever-unfolding and relentlessly-expanding Empire of the Gays. TheSpoof...
Read full storyHexidecimal hits for micro PCs
The data-loading sounds of 1980s microcomputers have hit the download charts. Now, folk are going crazy over the 'squeal' and 'snore' of popular games for the BBC Micro, CBM64, Spectrum 48. Megamix maestros 'The Binary Bods' first hit upon the ide...
Read full storyFrom the dreams of Androids
West Country farmers proudly showed off their first batches of electric sheep, at the Bath and Wells Agricultural Festival this week. These 'metal moutons' were bred as part of a project run by Bio-Perversity Ltd. These creatures actually look exa...
Read full storyTales From The Yorkshire Dales: Chapter 1
Twas a dark and windy neet. T' rain lashed out at t' lonley couple struggling to walk rain sooked road. EEEE, they should ave stayed at ome, tha knows, but 'eathcliffe and his wife were on't way tut manor ouse of Dr Peasemould where wife, of Eathcliffe, were t' get elp. Wind, eee, it were gettin oop, an t' wife were getting weary, so Eathcliffe gave lass piggyback fut last mile. Arriving...
Read full storyHeidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Robert Pattinson & Taylor Lautner Trapped In Celebrity Hell
Plastic-fantastic flirtilicious floozy Heidi Montag had a series of seismic shocks yesterday, writes Napoleon Crippen, Poisonous Brainrot and Egomania Correspondent. Hilariously-humpable Heidi, who hails from Butt, Idaho, was hard at work flashing...
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