China Scrapping New Bomber Because Wal-Mart Customers Don't Like the Quality
China--The Chinese government announced they are scrapping their new stealth bomber because of fears Wal-Mart can't sell it like the other crap they produce. "We are going to stick to the kind of things we know are good for us, like stealing pate...
Read full story10th Season of American Idol Still Better than Reading War and Peace
Hollywood - Producers are hyping the tenth season of American Idol by claiming it is still better than reading War and Peace. This claim has angered the literary world, however, they soon let it go when they realized most literate people won't be wat...
Read full storyRep. Giffords Saved By Risky "Six Million Dollar Man Doll" Surgery
Surgeons treating U.S. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in the aftermath of last week's shooting are "cautiously optimistic" about her recovery despite the "devastating" nature of her wound, and they owe it all to a controversial experimental surgery...
Read full storyTucson Massacre Inspires Gun Bill
Washington: Republican Peter King is seeking to introduce a bill to make it "illegal for anyone to carry a firearm within 1,000 feet of a government official". Members of Congress likewise disturbed by the recent Tucson massacre, yesterday called...
Read full storyNBC's Mid-Season Sh-tbag, The Cape, is 11.35 Tons Of Suck.
NBC, the network who brought us The Jay Leno Show, Joey, Knight Rider 2K10, Kath & Kim, Coupling, quarterlife, My Own Worst Enemy, The Lyon's Den and Outsourced has further damaged its legacy by bringing The Cape to its Monday night lineup. "L...
Read full storySnowman Decides to Emigrate
A snowman, built during the recent period of extremely unseasonal weather, has decided that he has had enough and is emigrating to pastures new. The nameless snowman, a full eight feet tall when first created, has only survived due to the fact that he was built in a shaded corner of a field and had a liquid nitrogen filled carrot inserted in the middle of his face as a nose. Being in a shady...
Read full storyChina to purchase Facebook after stealth fighter plane breaks up post test flight - pilot executed
China and its Paki-lackey ally always put on a mighty show for visiting US officials. While the latter's medal-loving military peacocks love to strut out captured wanted militants, the former prefers to compete on a more equal level. So it was no...
Read full storyObama doesn't want to be friends with Britain anymore
It's true, President Barack Obama doesn't want to be friends with the British anymore. It's like being back at Primary School. He now likes France and the French people better. He is very fickle. American people ought to be concerned if President Obama changes friends as often as he changes his socks. Perhaps when he eats some 'bad' escargots or drinks some 'bad' French wine, he'll go of...
Read full storyFacebook Reveals New Way to Keep Your Eye On Kids
PALO ALTO, CA - At a press conference Mark Zuckerberg will be targeting a new demographic for his social network site. Mothers. "From the age of 0 to the day they leave for university," he said, "parents have had a firm control and eye on their ch...
Read full storyNew method called Betanomics to end recession in UK
Presenting at the UK jobs summit hosted by David Cameron with the leaders of most of the top 20 companies in the UK, an Oxford Classics Don revealed his new way to move Britain out of recession. Professor Ira Glyfickx, originally from Belgium, put...
Read full storyShylock Humes, and the case of the murdered Gold Fish.
Standing in the parlour, of Sir Benty's house, Shylock could not avert his gaze from Sir Benty and his enormous phalus. "Got it in Africa old man" stated Sir Benty, as he replaced the charcoal ornament on the mantle shelf. Sir Benty crossed the room, then himself and the servant. "Mr Humes", started Sir Benty, "I have asked you here today, because someone is having it off with my wife, and I w...
Read full storyHeidi the crosseyed opossum star of Leipzig Zoo
Born in the USA and via Denmark, Heidi has become an Internet sensation. She's crosseyed and an Opossum but will give those Giant Pandas, destined for Edinburgh Zoo a good run in the popularity stakes. heidi She's so cute and endearing, she might even be as big a star as Knut, the polar bear or Paul the Octopus. Perhaps Heidi will pick the winners of future World Cup, or will her eyes deceiv...
Read full storyHow David Beckham Ballsed-up with Foruth Kid
David Beckham was crestfallen when his wife announced to the world that she was pregnant for the fourth time. One of his close confidant's leaked to Weeki Leeks ace undercover reporter that the ageing sportsman was considering trading her in for a new model, in layman's terms...a divorce. Apparently he'd worked out the settlement cost of keeping her and three kids (in his head, if you can belie...
Read full storyEven MORE causes for premature death and heart disease - experts claim
The risk of heart disease and premature death from any cause doubled for those spending more than fours hours a day glued to a screen, it was claimed. This is very troublesome as the readers of this article will most likely have to put themselves into that risk factor group. All the fun is being taken away from life. One wonders why we should bother living at all. We can't EAT what we wan...
Read full storyPython Michael Palin changes his name to distance himself from Sarah Palin
The attempt on Democratic Congresswoman Gabby Giffords life has been the final straw for Python Michael Palin who told reporters that he is changing his name to distance himself from Sarah Palin. "I'm changing me name to Gary", he said. "I've...
Read full story"The Bachelor": 17 Bachelorettes Get Roses - 3 Get Non-Roses!
LOS ANGELES - Week two on ABCs The Bachelor saw a lot of drama queening going on. It was also a week filled with insecurity, self-doubt, and one girl resigning herself to becoming an "Old Maid." [EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow! Some of those girls are really...
Read full storyWorld's Wealthiest Upset That They Cannot Have Remaining 2% Of Wealth That Belongs To Everyone Else.
The richest 1% of the world who already own 98% of the world's wealth was shocked to learn today that they could not have the last 2% of the wealth that belonged to the other 99% of the people. "Why I just don't understand it," said Mrs. Sarah Bue...
Read full storyKorean Leader Cloning project deemed success
In Pyong Yang, North Korea today the first pictures were released of the results from the Kim Jung Il cloning project. Twenty years ago, geneticists took cells from Kim's (a.k.a. Dear Leader) foreskin which contained undifferentiated peripheral stem...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge: Brookes Bumps Christ's
Historian Ken Lucid writes: Ellis Fields rings, Tuesday afternoon: "Hi Ken, old mate... you're not reviewing anything for us this week, are you?" "Nope." "Did you watch University Challenge last night?" "Er - yeah." "Do us a piece on it, will you? The guy who usually does it for the TheSpoof is 'indisposed' or something. They want to know if we can get them out of a hole and as you'...
Read full storyRonald Reagan Returns to Kick Rush Limbaugh in the Ass!
A surprised radio audience who faithfully listen to the Rush Limbaugh Show for three hours a day received a nasty shock yesterday when they suddenly heard a shout from Limbaugh and a crash. "If you think the listeners were amazed, you should have...
Read full storyPornographic attack on YouTube!
U Tube have been attacked by a group of porno-fans claiming that they have every right to be shown on the free video internet sender, just like other extreme groups hoping for a bit of cheap and nasty publicity. They uploaded the video nasties und...
Read full storyWriter Wins Pulitzer Prize For D-ck Jokes
A humor writer for a UK website has won the inaugural Pulitzer Prize for Jokes Involving Private Parts, for his article entitled "This Is Just My Travel Size Penis: The Big One Is Still At Home." "It takes many, many hours to craft an article of t...
Read full storyBeckham Signs For Tottenham
Tottenham Hotspur's desperate race to sign the LA Galaxy star David Beckham took an unexpected twist this afternoon, when, thwarted by unending amounts of red tape, White Hart Lane officials decided to plump for whatever they could get, and promptly...
Read full storyGeorgia Residents Survive Apocalyptic Onslaught: "WTF? The Sky Is Falling!"
Georgia survivors are surveying the damage and counting their blessings, as an heretofore unseen white, cold powder fell from the sky in recent days, blanketing the area with up to 1 inch of the substance. "We have no idea what it is," said Georgi...
Read full storyArizona Gov. Jan Brewer: "Shooting Suspect Is A Mexican At Heart."
Arizona's racist Governor Jan Brewer said Monday that Arizona is grieving but united and determined to pursue the shooting suspect, whom she called "A Mexican at heart," after a shooting that left six people dead and 14 injured, including U.S. Rep. G...
Read full storyTourist mutilated on the moors - chum survives
It's just emerged that two young American student/tourists have been attacked by a mysterious creature, on the moors. At night, in the dark. In a chillingly similar scenario to that depicted in the motion picture film An American Werewolf In Londo...
Read full storyZygote Denies Becoming Blastocyst.
A local zygote has been arrested by Uterine police and charged with Improper Cleavage and Conspiracy to Become a Morula. Not... ...funny. "We received a credible tip, regarding certain zygotic cellular division," said Mullerian Duct / Fonix Police...
Read full storyKate Middleton to sign draconian Palace prenup
London - (Reuterus): She's to be microchipped like the royal corgis - in case of any abduction or kidnapping attempts. Random drug testing, regular monitoring of SMS texts/emails and compulsory lie detector tests every six months are also on the P...
Read full storyWhy Worry About Bonuses?
The envy culture is upon us again with layabouts criticising the Banks for taking well earned bonuses. What people need to understand is that Top Executives would go abroad for better deals if bonuses were not paid.' But where did this comment come from? A Banker? A Tory Politician? A Liberal Democrat trying to resurface? No. It is a test transmission from the proposed Fox News! So what have...
Read full storyLuddites web site hacked
The Luddites, the anti-technology people, have had their web site hacked by agents unknown and the index page replaced by a single statement that reads: "Don't you find it ironic that a group purportedly in favour of removing all vestiges of technolo...
Read full storyConspiracy theorists fan the flames as DC lobbyist Ashley Turton dies in freak garage blaze
Washington - (Bonfire of the Insanities): The DC energy lobbyist and wife of presidential aide Dan Turton died in a shocking, freakishly bizarre 5am car blaze in her garage on Monday. Police and fire department investigators are on the case amid s...
Read full storyNHL Bans Fighting, Profanity; Players Shift to Spoof Forums Instead
In a surprise move by NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, fighting and the use of abrasive language has been banned from all sanctioned hockey games for the remainder of the 2011 season and beyond, while players who enjoyed that particular piece of the co...
Read full storyNew rip-off comparison website for must-haves
Those who queued in the rain to be first to buy their i-Pad, i-Phone4, PS3 or other want (rather than need) or whose favourite words are the nonsensical "pre-order", will be thrilled to hear that a new comparison website has gone on-line aimed at ins...
Read full storySuBo fanatics go in to politics!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced the formation of their new political party, The Lemonade Party. "We were going to join The Tea Party, but they're far too liberal for our liking," said party chairperson Ms. V. V...
Read full storyBlackburn Rovers frustrated at missing out on panda signing
Blackburn Rovers Venky group owners have expressed frustration at losing out in their pursuit of a giant panda who shunned the advances of the Lancashire club in favour of a move to minnows Edinburgh Zoo. The club had hoped to make Yangguang their...
Read full storyIpswich Town And Preston North End 'Definites' For Relegation From Championship
Fans of Championship side Ipswich Town were joining supporters of fellow strugglers Preston North End this morning in resigning themselves to a relegation season, after it was announced that the Tractor Boys had offered the manager's job at Portman R...
Read full storyMessi Wins Ballon d'Or
Argentina and Barcelona forward Lionel Messi has won the inaugural FIFA Ballon d'Or award at a ceremony in Zurich. Messi, 23, won the prize - a beautiful hardwood door designed by French interior designer Luc Ballon - ahead of his Barca team-mates...
Read full storyPope's Stance Over Names Leads To Satanic Confusion
The Pope's assertion that parents should use Bible-inspired names for their children could have unexpected and unwanted results, experts warn. Apparently, the head of the Roman Catholic Church is concerned at the spread of names inspired by celebr...
Read full story3DTV Viewers warned to sit back from the screen
After a series of accidents while watching Dancing on Ice in 3D viewers are being warned to sit back from the TV. "Some of the pirouttes and leg raises can be quite dangerous," said show producer Demi Glissade. "Viewers sat too close could be whip...
Read full storyWikiLeaks, Twitter, & U.S. Government; Secret Tweets Revealed
In an article "Twitter Wikileaks Fiasco: Will Twitter Fold Or Fight?" on Gizmocrunch, it's stated: "The US government has requested Twitter hand in information that is "relevant and material" to the Wikileaks investigation . . ." Gail Farrelly, investigative reporter at The Spoof, has been able to infiltrate Twitter and find the series of tweets (increasingly more urgent as time went on) from...
Read full storyThree Stooges Make Rare Appearance after Tucson Shooting
The definition of a stooge, according to Merriam-Webster is: (1) one who plays a subordinate or compliant role to a principal; (2) puppet. They may not be the original Larry, Moe and Curly, or even Shemp in this sense, but they are Stooges all the...
Read full storyCarrie Underwood Denies Divorce Rumors
PENSACOLA, Florida - Carrie Underwood, who has won more country music awards than Reba McEntire, Alan Jackson, Sugarland, and Ramrod Rick & The Cattle Rustlin' Band combined, performed before a sold out audience at The Orange Seed Auditorium in P...
Read full storyCharles Barkley, The Former NBA Star and TV Sports Analyst, Is Thinking About Becoming A Woman
LOS ANGELES - According to The Cucamonga Chit-Chat Chronicle former NBA star and now TV sports analyst Charles Barkley is seriously considering having SRS and becoming a woman. 4C reporter Putty Boxbrick said that he interviewed Barkley's pedicuri...
Read full storyFalse alarm. Victoria Beckham's tummy bulge not a baby.
Yesterday an excited and thrilled Victoria confirmed that she is expecting another baby Becks with husband David. Today she tweeted thanks to all her fans who have no purpose in life but to follow her life, for their good wishes. She wrote on her...
Read full storyDiscovering The Spoof
Conversation overheard between two retired gentlemen in a pub: "So - what you been up to lately then? I mean, like, since I last saw yer?" "Been spoofin' mate." "Been what?" "Spoofin' - on the puter." "What's that then?" "What's what?" "Wotchemacallit - spoofin' Wot's that then?" "Well...it's like a newspaper on the puter. Except it's all lies. " "What's the point of tha...
Read full storySwimmers in Gulf of Mexico Warned not to Fart
St Petersburg, Florida officials have warned swimmers and surfers there not to wear any oil on their bodies nor fart while in the water. "Those oil-eating bacteria have now devoured the spilled methane and are getting very very hungry", stated one...
Read full storyMichael Douglas Is Cancer Free! But His Junk is Still Asleep
Michael Douglas, 66, claimed today that he has beaten his throat cancer and the related tumor has disappeared? The superstar actor, producer, writer and master skirt chaser appeared onThe Today Show with Matt Lauer to visit about his comeback from the deadly disease. The star looked healthy, tanned and not a day over 75 years old. Although he seemed happy that the cancer scare was apparentl...
Read full storyKitchen Corner With April Jinty
'An Especial Haven for True Friends' with April Jinty at Foxglove Cottage Hello yet again, my own dear friends. What a boon and a balm it is to have true friends. Pals are the medicine to cure all our ills, whether physical, or of the spirit. In these dark times, when bitter winter winds pipe the lament of a failing economy and smooth-faced weasel functionaries with no electoral mandate deal...
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