NHL Bans Fighting, Profanity; Players Shift to Spoof Forums Instead

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for NHL Bans Fighting, Profanity; Players Shift to Spoof Forums Instead
"Yeah? Oh, yeah? Well your story reads like a Cliff Notes version of War and Peace, without the humor.

In a surprise move by NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, fighting and the use of abrasive language has been banned from all sanctioned hockey games for the remainder of the 2011 season and beyond, while players who enjoyed that particular piece of the competition have found another outlet for that activity; TheSpoof.com forums.

"Nothing like boarding an unsuspecting writer when they least expect it, and I don't even get the game misconduct as a penalty", says new satirical writer from the Anaheim Mighty Ducks who only reveals his pen to be "ChinMusic99". Other enforcers from the league also admit to joining TheSpoof.com as a means to legally bludgeon and taunt others on the proverbial writer's ice rink known as the Forum.

"You gotta start the fight by calling somebody's hard work a piece of crap, then dropping the gloves for a little fist on face action when they try to respond", says Chicago defenseman only known as "Buster Knuckles". "If that doesn't work, you got to get creative and ask if their mother is ever gonna come back to my place and pick up her underwear. Guaranteed fight. Guaranteed."

While long time Spoof writers remain baffled as to the new sporting and long thought to be peaceful tactics involved with satirical writing, some NHL newcomers find the Forums to be quite satisfying. "It ain't like real fighting", says another enforcer from the New Jersey Devils known as "Dash Erboard", "I mean you don't bleed or break a sweat, but you seem to be able to inflict just as much damage. It's a wonderful outlet".

Critics of the new Forum activity claim that the number of posts and the variety of topics discussed are statistically down, including the number of stories featured in the Forum as a means to highlight a good satirical effort. "Hey, if these pansies want to be professionals, they've got to dance in the pro arena, and take a couple of body shots or a broken jaw as part of the deal", says Dash Erboard. "It's part of the game".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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